The Legend of Zelmus: The Potion Maker
by Nny11
Summary: Well to quote my state motto on updates, 'It goes as it grows.'It's here I'd like to mention that New Mexico is a desert. I will continue posting, just very infrequently.
1. The Legend

AN: Um, yup. I decided that this might be a good idea to redo this. I stopped writing it because I couldn't even read it. So, mmmmmyup. It sucked. But not as much…no…more.

Disclaimer: I have no money. I have no job. Fics get me no money. Notice a sad, sad pattern?

Chapter 1: The Legend

Long ago, there existed a kingdom where the golden power lay hidden. One day, a foul wind swept across the vast country, for a man of great evil found the power and took it for himself, casting darkness across the kingdom.

But then...just as all hope seemed to have died, a young boy clad in green appeared as if from nowhere. Wielding a blade of evil's bane, he sealed the dark one away and returned light to the land. This valiant lad, who traveled through time to save this world, was known as the Hero of Time. The boy's tale was passed down from generations until it became legend.

And then a day came when an ill omen appeared throughout the kingdom, and the great evil once again crept forth from the depths of the earth. As chaos spread and lives were lost, the people believed that their savior would return to save them.

...But the hero did not appear...

What became of that kingdom...? None remain who know. The memory of the land may have long since vanished, but its legend survived on a wind's breath.

On a certain island, it became customary to garb boys in green at their coming of age and have them search for heroic blades to cast down evil. The elders only wish that they should know courage like the Hero...


	2. A Birthday Surprise

Chapter 2: A Birthday Surprise

Disclaimer: If I owned The Harry Potter series or the Zelda series I would be swimming in a pool of diamonds, which I don't…and that would hurt.

Outset was one of the most peaceful islands on all of the Great Sea. With friendly neighbors and lazy days many people might even call it a paradise. Everyday is just like the last, warm and full of things to do. Today, however, would be different from all the rest. You see today it was young Severus Snape's birthday. It would be a birthday that he would never forget.

"HOY BIG NOSE!" was the sound I awoke to. With an unhappy sigh I turned to see who had decided that it would be fun to bring me back to reality. Seeing no one I got up and stretched to get out all the kinks. But that was when I got my second unwanted surprise.

"I knew I'd find you here, you sleazy grease ball." Oh Goddesses no. Turning around I found exactly what I feared I might find. Standing behind me was my ever-annoying little "brother", Lucius. And today he had apparently decided to look extra good and was in a hideous blue dress with green flowers.

"Sleazy grease ball?" I asked.

With a grin he replied, "Are you deaf or stupid I just said that. You know what I call this place?"

"Pixies hideaway?" I tried.

He paused for a moment then continued, "I call it Lucius' look-out. It would be wonderful if all these stupid gulls weren't here." As if on cue the aforementioned buzzards swooped down to play with their favorite friend. I watched with amusement as they dive-bombed him before I asked. "Why did you wake me up?" The gull scattered at the sound of my voice allowing him to speak.

"Did you forget what day it is?" I stared at him with disbelief, how could I not know what today was? He apparently thought that I was thinking because he answered for me. "Your still half asleep aren't you? It your birthday; idiot."

"Really? I thought it was Wednesday," I replied.

He gave a snort before he said, "Look, grandma is waiting for you at the house. Go now." He was tired of me and I was frankly sick of him.

Grateful for any reason to run, I wasted no time sliding down the ladder but was stopped when I heard him yell, "Come back soon so I can give you your gift." Hearing those words I decided to take the long path to, just to make him wait. However, Harry decided to make that different.

That snot nosed little brat came outta nowhere, and I'm telling you, he got this close to me! Well, seeing no other option I dove in to the water and swam as fast as I could to the opposite shore. Luck was not with me as I found the local loon Hermione telling me to L-target her. I ran past her only to skid to a halt an inch away from Pansy, the water-carrying loon. Feeling that my life was on the line I ran straight to my house.

Not that I needed to, Pansy isn't exactly a "runner" person. She's more of a "doughnut" person.

Entering my home I couldn't find grandma anywhere, deciding that the cat loving woman would be in the loft, I quickly climbed the ladder. However, at the top she was holding a hideous green lump of cloth, on top of a gruesome piece of white cloth, with a surprisingly fashionable belt on top.

"Severus," she said, "I can't believe that you're finally old enough to wear these clothes." I gapped at her. How could I forget? I was going through my coming of age birthday, which allowed me the 'privilege' of wearing this awful suite. I took the green tunic and began to change into the revolting thing. Adjusting her glasses she began to talk again, "You know, it's tradition for boys coming of age to wear these clothes."

"Really? I would have never guessed." I rolled my eyes, and then winced as she slapped the top of my head.

"It's also tradition to hang the family shield on the wall. In the old days the boys would leave to find heroic blades, but our ways are now of peace." Grandma Minerva continued, attempting to hold the same tone that she'd had before.

"Shame that would have been fun," The words had left my mouth before I'd thought them out, and I received another slap to the head.

"I suppose the only one who would know anything about swords play now would be Ronald," I almost fell off the loft at that last comment. "Look! A perfect fit! Now go get your brother Lucius." I couldn't believe it. She had lost it too. It was 90 degrees outside and this woolen outfit made it 100. I am going to laugh when Lucius comes of age, loud and hard.

Oh, how I will laugh.

I was about to head outside when I stopped to get a better look at myself. I had on a green hat that was too large, so large that the tip of it rested between my shoulder blades. Next was my olive green undershirt with a forest green tunic on top. It was tied at the waist with a brown leather belt, which with the outfit looked quiet a bit less fashionable. Then the most embarrassing part of the whole ensemble was the white tights that went into my huge knee high brown boots. I was thoroughly disgusted.

"GET HIM NOW!" My grandmother's howl shocked me thoroughly and in no time I was heading out the front door.

Once outside I began to sweat. I slowly started trudging back towards "Lucius' Look-Out". Remembering that he had a gift made me wonder what I could do to take more time. I felt a little less than thrilled to find out what his present was.

I found one of the locals trying to catch a pig...it would do. "Excuse Me sir, would you like me to get that for you?" The man looked at me and with a nod backed away. "Bring it up the hill to my wife," he snorted in a great impersonation of the pig. A few moments later I was at the top of the hill with the pig and I found myself being given 20 rubies free. Descending the hill I spotted the shop ship. I hurried my pace and was soon inside.

And there was- "Harry!?" He looked up and grinned, "OHHHHH! A customer! I'll buy things if you see nothing you want to buy!" Whoa, wait, wasn't Harry a little snot nosed…ah well. With a nod I looked at what he had to offer. All-Purpose Bait, a Hoy Pear, and a Bait Bag. Well, what a selection. "I'll take the bait bag." I dumped my money on the counter and took the bag. It had a pig sewn on the front. It was disgusting really. But he seemed happy enough. "Thank you! Thanks to you I have business again! Oh, I'm so happy! Here please accept this membership card!" I had no clue what a membership card was, but he was annoying me. Grabbing the card I left to go get Lucius.

Luck was still not with me, for there on the bridge was-"Harry?" He had gone from a full-grown man back to this...this thing! Not wanting to know his secret I jumped back into the water and began to swim to the watchtower, at the base of which I remembered Lucius and began to climb the ladder really slow.

Once on top of it again I found Lucius fighting off the seagulls with a fly swatter. Wanting to get a better look I took another step forward, unfortunately this caused the seagulls to fly away. "Pity," I muttered only to be met with a hit to the head.

"What took you so long? Did you get lost or something?" Before I could answer he shoved something into my hands. "Here, happy birthday or something." I had received a telescope. "It's my least favorite possession so you can have it." I put it to my eye to see what I could see.

First I zoomed in on Pansy and then my house, both of which weren't all the fun. It was then that a Rito postman landed to deliver mail. Ritos fascinated me; I mean come on, half bird half human! This one looked extra interesting, paranoid and two different eyes. One was black and beady while the other was electric blue and sticking out rather oddly, ew. The blue one swiveled in all directions as he put the mail in the slot. He looked up and started flapping his wings wildly.

"Look up in to the sky," Lucius shouted while forcing the telescope up. I moved the telescope back down to the sea at the sound of cannon fire, seeing a pirate's ship I focused my gaze up to what it was firing at. There was a giant bird flying though the sky. And there in its talons was a boy.


	3. Werewolves That Fall From The Sky

Chapter 3: Werewolves That Fall From The Sky

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to, MEEEEEEE! *Howling dogs and shattering glass*

I stared up at the bird as it flew over the fairy forest. "This is ridicules." I thought as I watched a canon hit the bird right in the nose. The bird, in total shock dropped the boy into the forest.

"This is brilliant!" I heard Lucius shout, "Oh, I hope he's really hurt. That would be great, could you see it Snape?" To be truthful, yes. And it was a funny idea but his next sentence changed my mind.

"And no one will save him. Everyone on this island is weak just like you." It suddenly became my duty to save him. I put the telescope away as I left for, shudder, Ron's. Gran had said he was the only one who knew anything, so it was my best bet. I jumped into the bay area and swam across. Upon reaching his house I realized that something wasn't right. Looking up I found Hermione staring silently at the forest. Smiling to myself I realized that silence is a virtue.

Upon entering Ron's house I was tackled by the man as he hissed in my ear. "So you finally returned. I suppose that you now want some serious training in the way of the sword?" I was scared out of my wits. I had a very old man sitting on my chest accusing me of coming into his house before now, and he smelled vaguely of my grandmother's perfume.

"Why do you smell of Minerva?" He cut my question off quickly with a growl and I squeaked out, "Why not?"

"Good. Then you will need this!" I caught the sword and sheath as he continued. "Equip with it then we shall begin." I shoved the strap over my head so that the sword hung on my back.

"Now, take it out." I grabbed the hilt and yanked it out. "Now, in order to perform a horizontal attack you will need to come at me and hit B. For a vertical attack L-Target me and hit B. For a thrust attack you will need to L-Target me then while pressing the joystick forward hit B. To charge up a spinning attack press and hold B, release the attack by letting go of B. To perform a jumping attack you merely L-Target me and hit A."

I paused to try and absorb his crazy vibes. But I still didn't understand what he had said.

"Now," he said, "come at me and use those attacks, don't forget to press the joystick to move forward." He really was a loon. I had thankfully backed up to the door which I wrenched open and dashed out of without any further comment from the red haired lunatic.

Now outside I ran right for the forest, not even bothering to avoid Harry in his snot dripping form. I ran over the bridge, and then I jogged up the hill, and then I had to slide to a halt to avoid hitting the trees there. "Who plants a row a trees in the middle of a walk way?" I was about to give up but thought of the sword on my back. Pulling it out and I swung it wildly hoping that it would cut through them. Oddly enough it worked so I speed walked up the rest of the hill, and I walked across the bridge. As I started across the wooden bridge I tried to remember why I was putting all this effort in and jumped over a small gap. At a Leisurely stroll I entered the forest.

I had never actually been in the forest but it couldn't be that big right? I mean, from the entrance I could see the boy hanging, unconscious, from a branch. I saw that to get to the boy I'd have to go around the whole damn forest. With a groan I jumped onto the higher ground and weaved in and out of trees as I jumped off the next ledge I rolled to the ground. "This isn't so hard," I thought as I got up. As I was about to continue I suddenly felt hot breath on my neck. I turned around slowly and found myself face to face with a hairy bokoblin.

They were man sized, lanky monkey men in my opinion, although I wouldn't be surprised to see some pig in their ancestry either. He tugged at his purple vest before scratching his head and letting out a loud screech.

As he growled at me I grabbed my sword and hit him on the side of the head with it. He fell to the ground in a puff of blue smoke. My ego inflated as I realized that I had killed my first monster.

Oh yeah, I was being a hot killing machine.

I hopped over onto the next landing where I found two more of the ugly brutes stood waiting. I charged them with my sword, defeating them easily, of course. With that I started to the ledge that would let me reach the branch with the boy on it.

Another screech came from the sky and as I looked up I saw two birds carrying a pair of moblins with them. These ones were definitely related to pigs, the nose was spot on. But I had a problem now. These ones were not only much bigger and stronger than the bokoblins; they were armed. Maybe I could let someone else play hero and defeat them. Or not, I decided as they finally saw me. I let out a mighty war call and was about to run forward when they attacked each other. I stood confused staring at the blue smoke that appeared where they had been.

But my day wasn't over yet, oh no, then the boy on the branch had to wake up and yelp as he saw the ground. I watched amused as he struggled before the branch broke off with him.

"Ouch!" The boy wore a pair of sandals, Arabian pants, a purple sleeveless shirt, covered by a blue vest, and to top off the funny ensemble, a red bandana.

"What's with your clothes?" I asked.

He ignored that comment and instead asked, "Where am I?" Before I could tell him I heard shouting.

"SIR REMUS!" There at the entrance was a young pirate looking scared out of her wits. "Oh, oh thank the goddesses I found you! When that bird dropped you on this summit I thought..." She trailed off looking uncomfortable.

"Well, wasn't that nice of it?" Remus asked trying to lighten the mood. The girl suddenly looked pissed.

"We should pay that bird back in full!" The pirate declared and with that she grabbed Remus's arm and dragged him towards the entrance.

"But-But what about this kid?" The boy asked.

"Forget him," she shouted.

If I hadn't been laughing that might have hurt me. But instead I followed the two pirates outside wondering how I could annoy them. My ponderings were cut short as I found my little brother coming across the bridge. I watched as Lucius gave a tart wave at me. I tried half heartedly to wave back.

I looked up as I heard a screech then a shout of panic came from Lucius. The stupid bird had grabbed him! I would have laughed if Lucius hadn't then shouted, "I stole your DADA book!" I ran full speed after that bird. That little brat had my book! I'd kill him!

My dream was not realized as the ground suddenly ended I found myself falling.

I suppose one lucky thing had happened so far. Remus was kind enough to grab my hand.

"Are you mad?" He asked me as I continued to struggle, "He's gone you know. There's nothing you can do about it." I watched mournfully as my only defense against the dark arts book was taken far away from me. Far, far away.


	4. Are You Sure They're Pirates

Chapter 4: Are You Sure They're Pirates?

Disclaimer: Does any one actually still believe I'm making money off of this?

After pulling me up the two pirates said nothing to me. They appeared to think I needed some thinking time. I appreciated that, it gave me mourning time. After a bit we made it back to the shoreline and docks. I was going to leave then, but Remus turned to ask me a question.

"Would you like to come with us?" I thought he was mad but he continued. "I mean to find your brother. You look so sad that I thought..." He trailed off and waited.

I couldn't refuse an offer to get my book back. "Yes! Thank you for letting me aboard." I'd get it back! No more worries. Or so I thought, for right then a voice broke in to our conversation.

"And what would give you that idea?" I turned around only to find the mailman staring at me with both of his eyes.

"What?" I couldn't see why he wouldn't want me to go.

But, apparently, he could. "Do you realize what you said?! You just accepted a ride from pirates! Terrors of the seas!" I decided he was mad.

"Well excuse me if they don't seem all that ferocious." I groused.

He blinked but continued. "But you haven't heard of what has happened to other little boys!" I was about to ask when he answered. "Boys with pointed ears have been getting captured from all regions of the Great Sea. They're all being taken to the Forsaken Fortress!"

"The Forsaken Fortress?" Remus said astounded, "Isn't that where...?"

"Yes." Was the man's replied. "And besides you don't even have a shield!" I blinked at him then ran to my house. I had a shield; it was just hung up on my wall at home. I yanked the door open and ran up the ladder only to find the shield missing. I went down the ladder and was about to leave when a voice stopped me.

"You're leaving aren't you?" I turned and found my grandmother with her back to me. "Were you looking for this?" She turned around to show me that she had the family shield in her arms. She then smiled and said, "Take it with you." I could have killed her. But instead I took it and left back for Remus' ship.

Upon arrival Remus smiled at me. "I don't see why we can't let you on now." He said. I walked up the gangplank and turned around to watch the islander's wave at me. I was too disgusted however and went further towards the mast. Only to be stopped by Remus. "Wait. I haven't introduced you to the crew!" I suddenly wanted to go back.

"LINE UP!" he shouted and the whole crew stood ready for whatever was to come. "This," he said while pointing at the girl who came to the forest, "is Angelina." Angelina waved at me and I could see that she had some muscle on her. "That," he said pointing at a pirate with frizzy hair and a book, "Is Hermione." I didn't ask as I was getting used to this whole doubling of peoples. "Then," He pointed at a girl with wide eyes and a telescope, "Is Luna." Luna was too busy staring into space to do anything. "That's," He turned towards the oldest and creepiest pirate, "Sibyll." I got the impression of a large bug. "Then there is Tonks," Tonks moved so she could be seen easier but only succeeded in tripping and falling at the next pirate's feet. "And finally, there's Peter." The last pirate looked as if he had whiskers and at the sight of him I had to ask.

"Why is Peter the only male pirate on your ship?" Remus looked at me and grinned.

"We don't know. But Peter will be training you bellow decks, so I suggest you head there." I was about to ask why I should go there when he was right in front of me. But I thought better of it and went down. I had barely set foot in the cargo hold when Peter spoke up.

"From this moment forward, I shall be your superior. No doubt you have mushy swabbie brains but I shall start you off with a simple test." I couldn't believe this. Was he crazy? Or simply stupid? Most people I knew fell into both categories and he struck me as fitting in perfectly. He jumped on a switch that caused platforms to rise into the air. "All you have to do," he said, "Is jump from platform to platform and get to the other side. But, the platforms only stay up for a little. You also will have to use ropes to swing across." He was obviously one of the worst pirates on the sea. "I give you a year to complete this. One good hard year, full of bumps and bruises before you can make it." That made my blood boil, I hate it when people say I can't do something. Especially stupid little worthless creatures "However," he said, "If you can make it before then I'll give you a reward." Screw the reward; I was going to shoot him.

With out wasting a second I hopped onto the platforms and swung from the ropes, making it over on my first try. Peter stared at me as if I had grown a second head. I felt rather accomplished. "What?" I asked but he just stared at me.

"It took me a whole year before I could do that! You made it look so easy...."He then began to whisper to himself, "I suppose I could give him that...I doubt I'll get busted for it anyway...." Apparently he thought I couldn't hear him. How...pathetic "OK!" He began to speak normal again, "You can take the treasure that is in that chest there. Consider it a gift from the great and generous Peter!" I opened the chest only to find a bag. "It's a Spoils Bag! You can keep whatever your enemies drop in it"

I left with out saying thank you, wondering why I couldn't just store all my items in the same bag. When I came out on deck I noticed a full moon. I looked around but couldn't find Remus right away.

"HOY SNAPE! UP HERE!" Looking up at the crow's nest I found Tonks waving at me. I paused for a second but scurried up the ladder. At the top I couldn't help but ask, "Where is Remus?"

"Um..."

Bellow decks in a locked room.

"ARWOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" Growl, bark, "ARWOOO!"

Back in the crows nest with Tonks and Snape.

"Somewhere," Was her response. "Look over there Snape." I had a feeling she didn't want to talk about Remus so I turned to look at the fortress. "That," She said, "Is the cursed isle know as the Forsaken Fortress."

I looked across the choppy waters to gaze at the awful place. I stared at it, knowing that somewhere in there my book was waiting.

"So what's the hold up?" I asked turning my attention to Tonks, who had changed her hair color.

"Well...you see we can't get in." I could see where this was going. But I asked anyways.

"What do you mean? We're on a pirate ship! We can just bomb the door, rush in, get my book and leave." She scratched her head and turned to me.

"Purple isn't my color is it?" I was confused in tell she pulled at her purple locks. "I mean, blue would be better right?" I wanted to kick her over the railing of the crow's nest.

"There's a lot of security, and I don't mean a couple of small things. I mean a lot of problems." I turned my attention to Hermione who was also staring out at the fortress. "The best way to get in is stealth..." When did she get here? "Snape? Didn't you say that gulls like to play with your brother?" I nodded my head wondering how she could say that if I hadn't said anything. "Look over there."

Pulling out my telescope I looked in the direction she was pointing. And there, in a flock around a window, were seagulls; lots and lots of seagulls. With a huge grin I nodded my head.

"Well that settles it!" Hermione slid down the ladder and was followed by a blue haired Tonks. Settles what? I climbed down after them only to discover a barrel being put onto their catapult. I turned to Luna who was grinning wide and staring at the window.

"Hope you make it," She said. Before I could try and decipher what the crazy pirate meant I was lifted into the air and put in the barrel.

"We'll want to aim slightly higher than the window to make this work..." I heard Hermione say, "Other wise it won't work and he'll hit the wall." Hit the wall? It was like someone had started a pack of fire works in my pants.

"YOU'RE GOING TO LAUNCH ME??" My eyes were wide as I continued to unsuccessfully get out of the barrel. "YOU'RE MAD!"

Hermione gave me a hard look and told me, "Don't worry, us pirates do this all the time." I added another name to my hit list.

"I'm not a pirate you loon!" I howled that out and for a moment she looked like she might let me go.

"Well shoot! We're gonna launch you anyway. 3,2,1!" And before I could think I was flying.


	5. Forsaken Fortress Take 1

Chapter 5: Forsaken Fortress Take 1

Disclaimer: This is getting old, and I know you agree. So let's just say that I couldn't earn money off of this if I tried. Ok?

I couldn't believe that insolent stupid little brat! Who did she think she was? Once those thoughts were finished I jumped out of the barrel and onto the windowsill. The sight before me was priceless. Lucius was swinging my DADA book all over the place trying to get the gulls away. If only I had a camera! Lucius gave one mighty swing that hit twelve of those birds at me. Just as fast as I had gotten there, I was now falling to the water bellow.

As I plunged down into the icy water I felt fear and pain shoot through me. For a moment I couldn't move, then I kicked my legs and scoped with my hands until I got to the surface. As fast as my body would take me I swam to shore.

"Stupid son of a-" I howled to no one in particular

"Snape!" Oh dear Nayru... "Snape? Aren't you happy to hear from me?" came Luna's voice.

"No." I replied.

"Why is that?" she asked in her mindless way.

"Why? Hmm, I don't know maybe it has to do with you launching me into a fully armed fortress!" There was a pause then I heard a loud bang.

"Luna? What are you doing? And did you eat all of our chocolate?" I could hear Hermione's voice filter through the air.

"I'm talking to Snape," Luna all but giggled. There was another annoying pause for me to wait through before Hermione spoke.

"How?" So, the nerdy pirate didn't know everything.

"Through Sir Remus' pirates charm, of course!" This was crazy. I didn't even want to hear the rest of this conversation.

"What does it do, how will it help me, and most importantly how did you slip it to me?" I pulled a glowing blue stone from my pocket. It hung from a thick, itchy leather cord. While Luna thought up an answer I slipped it around my neck.

"Well," Luna said then paused and took a deep breath, "I know your going to be mad with me but I can see you and talk to you so I can help navigate you through the fortress I had Angelina slip this into your pocket so we could talk and," she took another breath, "When you got knocked out of that window, your sword flew out of its sheath."

....……

"So, what's it like in there?"

It was official. Every one of Remus' pirates were now dead. "Not much, just cold stone, bars, and water." I said. She must not have heard me because she then said,

"Lovely. Well Snape, first thing's first. You should take out those search light, and then you can go save your sister."

"He's not my-" I tried to explain, but the stone stopped glowing and I was left all alone.

Perfect was my only thought as I climbed the nearby stairs. There was a wide-open space in front of me and more stairs to my right. Taking this path I saw the way to the first searchlight. I ran up the sloping ground and was about to climb the ladder when the pirate's charm went off again.

"My advice to you is to fight it with your shield." I stared at the stone. Luna truly was an odd one. "Once you have knocked out any enemies you can turn off the searchlight." And then she was gone. This was getting stupider, or was it more stupid, by the second.

I climbed the ladder only to come face to face with another blue haired, stupid, beady-eyed bokoblin. Crawling on my hands and knees, I got close enough to see it was armed with a stick of some sort. This one would be easy. I equipped with my shield and stepped out from my hiding place.

"Come on, I haven't got all day you know." I grumbled as the creature did nothing.

Then, very slowly he began putting up the searchlight. Slow enough that I was able to steal his stick and hit him in the head. With a puff of smoke, he was gone. I grabbed the butter fly shaped joy pendant and went back down the ramp. I didn't know what I could use the joy pendant for, but maybe a pawn shop owner would like the tacky necklace.

I paused once I got down to where the entrance was. There were two doors. "Damn." Right or left, right or left...

"Snape?" Hermione's voice drifted to me.

"What?" I asked.

"I wanted to let you know that both ways will eventually end up back here."

"Marvelous." I chose the right door and entered the room.

Looking around I saw on my right some pots and a door. In front of me however was a rope that led to a platform and a chest! I could do with some extra cash... I swung over to the chest and opened it, only to find a dungeon map. That was disappointing; there wasn't even a stupid spider to look at. I swung back across and entered the door.

I was now outside. "Well that was a waste of me energy" I stopped when I saw two different openings. Taking the left I found a ladder. Deciding that there must be another searchlight up there, I climbed up and sure enough there was another bokoblin.

Quietly I crept up behind him and tapped his shoulder. It took him a bit but he put up the searchlight. By this point I had discovered a pot full of those weird sticks. Perfect! I grabbed the whole damn pot and turned to face my only enemy, who was running towards me with his stick raised. This was just too easy. I threw the pot at him, which made the entire pot of sticks flew into the air. Then, one by one, the sticks hit him in the head and a cloud of black smoke was my reward.

I went back down the ladder and went through the next door. To my right were barrels, to my left was a ladder leading to the lower level, and in front of me was another rope and platform. I jumped to the rope and let go when I reached the other side. These rope things weren't as hard as Peter made them out to be! Then again he was Peter.

The next door led outside and I began noticing a designing flaw. I walked forward and stopped in front of a box. Who the hell puts a box in the middle of a path? Come on people! I went to the right and found nothing. Who ever built this place must have been blind or Lucius. I went to the left and that annoying stone went of.

"What?" I groaned.

"Well," Luna started, "In order to get to your brother you have got to go through the back door." I swear her brain was melting as she spoke.

"What do you-"but the stone stopped. Her advice was getting worse and worse.

I went into the next room and there were two moblins there. In the back of the room was a back door. Maybe I should give Luna some more credit...nah. But this meant, MY BOOK! It was so close! I ran forward hoping that I could beat these pigs to death with my shield.

Apparently that wasn't an option, as with in thirty seconds I was captured and thrown into a jail cell. Sitting up I looked around the room. Goddesses, there was a bookshelf in here with no books. And on top of it was a pot. How… painfully careful they had tried to be. I climbed up on the table and jumped over to the bookshelf. Kicking the pot over I found a hole in the wall, a hole big enough for me to crawl through. This was really too easy. Sucking my stomach in, I squeezed myself into the hole and crawled to the other side. Dropping out I found that I wall now in front of the jail cell. With a snort I left down the ramp.

I was back in the first room. That wasn't helpful at all. Deciding that the right side held nothing I swung on the rope to get to the left hall. This room had better start making my day look really rosy or I was going to lose it.

Well, I can't say that I got too excited about this room, because it still had the same set up as most rooms, a rope, platform, and door in on the far side. With a sigh I did the standard procedure of jumping, cursing, and exiting. Once outside I went to the left and there was a ramp. Finally! I would take out the last one of those stupid searchlights. Then my book would once again be all mine and they could keep Lucius, a double win for me.

I ran up the ramp and scurried up the ladder. This time I whistled to get his attention, and just as before the light went up and the idiot charged at me. I waited for him and when he got close enough I chucked my shield at him. There was a puff of smoke and I felt oddly angry. I was going to vent through that enemy! And he dies before I can get any emotions out!! Grabbing my shield I leave back down the ladder and ramp hopping that the next door led to the promised room.

Not quite. It was another one of those stupid rope and platform things! I jumped to grab the rope but something went wrong. Suddenly I am looking up from the lower level. "Bloody hell! Why can't I just get to my book and get off this forsaken island?" I pause to catch my breath. So THIS is why it's called the Forsaken Fortress. I get up and stomp to the door closest to me

Once inside I could see that it has a ladder. Stupid ladders, and lousy platforms I wish they'd all just die, a horrible inanimate death. I head to the ladder and am about to climb it when I hear an odd sound.

"Duh-dink!" I look around me. What was that? I take a step away from the ladder

"Duh-dink!" Whipping around I find nothing. I take several steps forward. Am I going bonkers?

"Duh- dink!!" I slowly turn around again this time coming face to face with what looks like the devil. Something then stabs me in the back and I turn with my shield in hand. Another one! Slowly I look around to discover I'm surrounded. I face the ladder and run like a cat on crack.

"AIIIEEEEEE!!" I scream mindlessly as they chase me. I turn to my right and run that way, they follow me. I swear to the Goddesses that they are laughing at me.

Now, I'm sure that if I were watching this it would be hilarious. Some boy in green is getting chased in circles by hoards of miniblins. Yeah, I'd be laughing my ass off. But I'm getting chased so it's not really _that_ funny.

I grab the ladder with that in mind and dash up it. I grab the edge of a platform and heave myself up it. Now that I'm finally on the platform I had wanted to reach only to see the rope platform set up. With a howl I stomp my foot and loose balance, falling right back into the middle of miniblins again. Once I get up and look at the set up I realize that the platform rope tricks aren't that bad looking any more.

I quickly swing to the other side and upon reaching it notice a chest. Maybe, maybe I could have money this time. I open it only to find a dungeon compass. "I could really, truly use some money." I'm not sure whom I hope is listening, but they aren't. With a sigh I go through the door I came from and go through the first door I took on my route here. My first route was the safest.

I went through all the rooms, until I reach the room with the back doors, letting my anger out on anything in my path. I stop in front of the door and survey my surroundings. There are a few very conveniently placed barrels in this room. I grab one and carefully creep across the room. Once I reach the stairs I throw the barrel off and run up and out.

Once I'm outside I find I have to use the barrel trick again. I slip past the guards and go up a stone ramp. At least this time I feel like I'm heading in vaguely the right direction. At the top, however, I find huge chunk of the path is missing! How the hell am I going to get my book now? I look one way and judge the other side's distance. Maybe if I-

"You could probably make it if you walked on the edge there. See that little one? Just press up against the wall." Luna's voice fades in and out. All right, so I can't jump. I follow her instructions and make it across. I turn the corner and there's another missing chunk. I decided that this place was just plain stupid, as stupid as it could possibly get. Quickly I repeated my earlier actions and made it across.

On the other side I jog forward and there, in front of me was my sword. Finally! I was going to kill Lucius for making me lose this. I ran forward and grabbed it, but my joy was short lived for a green bokoblin had given his war cry. I spun around to attack him, sword in front, and my luck changed for an instant as the creature ran into it. He screamed in pain and died. So far, he had been one of my toughest opponents.

I shrugged my shoulders and entered the door he had guarded. Inside there was a very long stairwell, a table, and chairs. Oh, there was also a cage that held three boys. Lucius included. I rushed forward to get my book and slit his throat, but like all things today another problem arose. The giant bird from earlier swooped down from the open celing and grabbed me. As I struggled it flew up to the very top of the fortress. And at the top stood a man with long black hair and a very nice set of robes. I stared at him as he surveyed me. With a nod from the man the bird flung me into the air. I was flying far away from the fortress. Before I could morn my book I hit the cold water.

Somewhere in the Great Sea

A black boat drifted silently up next to a boy in green. The boat stared at him and picked him up. With a determined nod it set off in the direction of a nearby island. An island full of merchants and thieves, the boat left for Windfall Island.


	6. Windfall Whimps

Chapter 6:Windfall's Wimps

A/N *Points at Disclaimer sign* Still not making anything from this.

I could feel the rocking waves beneath me and the creaking of a ship. Well damn. "Wake up." I opened my eyes briefly but decided that I wouldn't obey the command.

"Wake up, you greasy git!" Ok, he called me a greasy git; time to kill him. I sat up and glared around me only to discover thin air. Am I going bonkers? I looked around again, there had to be some one near by....

"You are amazingly dull!" The ships head turned around to face me. I blinked and decided that yes, I was a loony. The boat paused; maybe he was expecting a reaction.

"You can't tell but I'm frightened, really I am." I said. The boat blinked then gave me a small nod.

"Right," he said, "As you have undoubtedly noticed, I can talk."

"No." Gods, how stupid does he think I am?

"Yes!" Pretty damn stupid. "Well, I am the King of Black Dogs! But you can call me Padfoot, or Paddy." Paddy? Who the hell would rather be called Paddy than king?" Snape, I have been watching you since you left to the Forsaken Fortress." My eye's bugged out.

"Don't ever mention that place again!" I hissed.

He paused, "I don't understand how you could have enough courage to stand up to anything for a book. But I don't understand a lot about you. Now, I'm sure you saw him."

"Who?" This guy was increasingly annoying.

"You know," he said, "That dashing, evil, man who controls that bird!"

"Oh him? Yeah, but why does that matter, _Paddy_."

The boat grinned, "His name...is Sirius."

Cuts to some fancy flames surrounding him.

"Why are there fancy flames?" I asked. Well, it seemed like a good question.

He ignored me and continued on. "It is he who obtained the power of the gods, tried to take over the world, and was sealed away by that power." Ok…that made no sense what so ever. What in the world was this boat rambling about? "He is the very same Sirius, the sexy emperor of the dark realm the legends speak of." He didn't look sexy to me.

"The seal has failed now and guess what?"

"What?" I asked rolling my eyes.

"He's back and using eeeeevvvviiiiiilllll magic to take over the world!" I couldn't believe it. I thought I had found some intelligent form of life and he turns out to be twice as stupid as the others. "Now, Snape, do you still wish to retrieve your book?"

"Duh," I rolled my eyes.

"Will you do anything to get it back?" He persisted.

"No."

"What? Really?" He looked rather disappointed.

"I let myself get launched into an armed fortress. Yes! Of course I'll go to any length for it!"

"I see, then I wanna come with you!"

"What?" Come with me? I knew that listening to a talking boat would be my demise some day but not now!

"I can guide you and tell you were you should go next and stuff!" Paddy smiled, a boat like smile.

"Why would we go anywhere?" I groused.

"Well, Sirius (that sexy devil) can not be defeated by human hands. The key to defeating him is...THE MAGIC SWORD!!! I mean, an item you will attain after much hardship."

"What if I no longer want to come?" I asked.

"I'll haunt you in your dreams." He can talk so I figure maybe he can.

"Alright you can come." This was turning into one long, sad journey.

"Now that that's settled, off to the Great Sea!!" I want to mention that we're on it but I stop myself. "Ah, but I'm thinking ahead. I don't have a sail."

"What?" What kind of a lousy boat doesn't have a sail?

"A sail. You know the cloth things that you put on a boat to catch the wind? How long have you lived on the Great Sea?"

I'll ignore his blaring stupidity. "Do you want me to buy a sail?"

"That would be great!" How did I know? "This is Windfall on Windfall they have many merchants..."

I get it. Jumping out of the hull I run up the grassy slope. Once at the top I see a building near the end of the island. I run to it and wrench the door open only to find a small man sitting behind the counter. He glares at me with his beady eyes and then says, "This is a bomb shop kid. Get out of here! The candy shop is in town." Oh I hope much pain will befall him some day.

Leaving the bomb shop I head into the town. Paddy wasn't joking. Everywhere I look there are more and more merchants. It's right then that I realize I only have about 53 rubies. How much could a sail cost? That's when I hear it. "SAILS FOR SALE!! SAILS ok actually, SAIL FOR SLAE!!" Some idiot has made my day. Running up to the man's stand I see a very light blonde, almost white, head.

"Excuse me sir, how much for that sail?" His cold silver eye's survey me.

"80 rubies." 80? I can't afford that!

"How about, 53?" Dear Nayru let this work.

"75," He glares at me.

"53," I persist.

"70."

"53."

"65."

"53."

"Ok, now you're pushing it. Get away from my stand punk." He then proceeded to push me into the nearby stairs. The ungrateful oaf! I was going to buy his lousy sail and we would have both been happy! I growl and head up the stairs. Maybe somebody else would like my business.

When I reach the top I find a red brick building. "I'll show him." I grumble and head inside only to find a man in yellow robes. "Do you have a sail?" The man glares at me and takes several steps forward. From this distance I can read his name tag. "Mr. Filch, do you have a-"

"I only carry pictographs! And picotboxes!" What the hell is a pictograph? The man then grabs the camera around his neck and starts waving it around. "The last time I let some one in here he stole my pictobox! Unless you are also a pictograph lover I'm afraid I won't give you my sail!" And with that the crazy old coot throws me out of his store. Were the hell am I going to get a picotbox? I don't even know what it is! I began my desperate search.

I open the last door I can find in this hellhole and enter through it. I had to deal with a crazy professor, the 'Killer Bees' which is only a group of stupid little brats, and the only hint I'd been given to a pictoboxes whereabouts was that someone had hidden it in the jail. And that started my search for a jail. But Windfall doesn't seem to have one! I'm about to collapse on the floor when I hear a voice.

"Same green clothes, and same silly green hat. Sir, are you another demented fairy?" I whip around to inform the man that I'm not gay, but I find myself face to face with what looks like a deformed snake.

"Who are you?" I ask the sad old man.

He considers me for a moment then says, "I am Voldemort, and I wish to take over the world through deciphering other peoples maps." He's a loon, but a helpful loon. I look around as he says that and I notice that this is the local jail.

Bingo.

"O....k....Do you want me to let you out of there?" He nods and I search for a key. I look around with no luck for who knows how long until he tells me where it is. And with that done I step on the switch and the door swings open.

The man steps out and nods to me. "If you ever want to help me take over the world, bring your maps to me," then he shoves a chart into my hands, "this is a map to show you how to get to were I live. It also has great fairy's that will increase your fortune." And with a swish of his cloak he's gone.

I run into his cell and search. The pictobox should be around here! I shove a crate aside and there in the wall is a hole. With a grin I crawl into it and pull myself through a maze. My day has gone up. I found17 rubies in his cell and as I travel along I find ten more of them.

Finally I see an opening. Crawling faster I find that I'm now in a room full of skulls, rocks, and a chest! I dash over to the chest and open it. There is my long awaited prize. A pictobox sits in my hands. Wait one moment, this is a camera! I shove it angrily into my stash of goodies and head back out.

After navigating out of the maze I go back to Filch's. Who knows, maybe he can't see well and will let me have his sail. I reach the door and go inside. Filch spots me and starts ranting but before he can throw me out again I take a picture of him. He pauses and takes the photo from me. "A fellow pictographer!" I let him go with this for a bit but he won't stop so I interrupt the old bat.

"Can I have your sail now?" He stares at me and starts laughing.

"The only person with a sail here is Draco!" He says and leads me outside and points at the blonde haired git. Then with a chuckle he tosses me down the stairs so that I stop rolling in front of him. I glare up at him and he smirks up at me.

"Ready to buy this sail?" He askes. Oh, I want to kill him! "Better act quick, I have another offer."

"Ok! Fine here!" I dump my money on the counter, "80 rubies, now give me that sail!" He tosses an almost new sail to me and I run down to meet Paddy.

As I get closer I can hear my boat singing. "Take one down pass it around 15 bottles of beer on the wall!" I run down to him and shove the sail in his face.

"There! A sail now let's get off this island!" He grins and then tells me the worst news I've heard all day. "Now that you have a sail you can sail to a sale on Dragon Roost Island which is also for sale."

"!!"


	7. Dragon Roost BBQ

Chapter 7: Dragon Roost BBQ

A/N: After being a lazy person, I have got this one up. The cavern will be in the next chapter.

How long I kept screaming I have no clue. But now even paddy was getting annoyed with me. Having reached part of my goal I wanted to get even farther.

"SHUT UP!! Dear Nayru, I was joking!" Bingo. I stopped almost immediately and waited for him to tell me where I was actually going. Paddy eyed me wearily and asked, "Your not gonna do that to often, right?"

I grinned, "Only if you keep being a jerk."

He nodded and said, "I'm going to need ear plugs then. Now! You really are going to Dragon Roost. BUT," he added when I opened my mouth, "You're not doing all those sales. Ok? You're going to get Dins Pearl." Din's Pearl? Is that some kind of necklace? "Now get in me and put the sail on me." I climbed into the back of the boat and messed with the sail until it was on. "Now turn the rudder till we face east." Done. "Now dance like Sirius is after you" I hit him on the snout for that. "Ok man, you can't even take a joke. Now raise the sail and off we go."

I lifted the sail up some how and then Paddy gave a jerk, which knocked me on my backside, but he kept moving. I stood up only to get hit in the face with the ocean's spray. I pushed myself back onto my feet growling. I knew that Paddy was doing that. I grabbed the rudder and tried to steer but another sudden jerk made me fall into the sea.

"YOU STUPID SHIP!!" I heaved myself back into his deck and sat up. I grabbed the tip of my hat and tugged to get it off of my head. This plan of becoming dignified again was ruined however by a large amount of water spilling out of my hat. I could hear Paddy laughing at me. "Shut up you piece of floating junk!" He wasn't listening. I grabbed the rudder from the floor and gave it a sharp tug making us almost capsize.

"What in the name of all things mysterious do you think you're doing?" He yelped in panic.

"Seeing if you'll listen to my commands to get there." He growled and stopped arguing with me. With a triumphant smile I stood up and took control again. But my sailing was to be cut short. We had arrived at Dragon Roost. Paddy hit the land hard enough for me to topple out of him. That didn't matter to me. It had taken that little amount of time for me to decide that I never wanted to become a sailor.

"Snape, atop this island is a dragon," No kidding. "His name is Dumbledore," He doesn't have very good short term memory. "You must climb the mountain and speak with him. He will give you Din's Pearl." And I half expected to hear some sort of music. I rolled my eyes and turned to leave.

"Wait! I almost forgot to get rid of this-give you this!" I began hoping it wasn't a face full of water. I turned around almost to laugh at the side of him. Inside Paddy's mouth was a giant wooden spoon. "This Snape...is...The Potion Maker!" By this point I was laughing, but he threw the stupid spoon at me and it hit, right between the eyes. "When you conduct with this, you can borrow the god's power." He seemed very proud of himself.

"Why," I began, "Did they create a wooden spoon, call it the potion maker," I was cut short.

"The Potion Maker," He corrected.

I didn't hear a difference, "Right. The Potion Maker, and then say conduct with it. Shouldn't they have made a baton for this sort of thing?"

He glared at me. "Just use it in 3/4, 4/4, and 6/8 alright?"

I shook my head and started up the path. My mission was cut short as I found a boulder blocking my way. "Well, I tried."' Turning around I almost hit a sign. I paused then went around to read it.

"Exploding bomb flower thingy, don't attack it, for it could explode in your face." I stared at it. Kicking the sign I grabbed the bomb plant. "This could be fun." I chucked the bomb at the rock and waited. A few seconds later the bomb flower blew up, and man! If I could chuck one of those at Paddy! I went up the path and grabbed the yellow rubie that the boulder left behind. I looked up the path and discovered that I would have more fun on the way up.

Finally, I had made it. I turned my head and discovered that I had spent half an hour just to get about 12 feet from where I started. I would strangle that ship, even if I killed myself doing so. I jumped down to the next platform only to find blocks. I looked at them and pulled the bottom one out. Oh bloody hell no. I could have just ran up here and pulled a block out instead of wasting my time going up a rock filled path.

I ran down to the shore and hit Paddy as hard as I could. That might not have been smart considering I could have broken my hand, but that jerk could of told me about that! Paddy head butted me in retaliation. I would have kept fighting but Dumbledor roared and I was reminded of what I needed to do.

After I climbed up the blocks I followed the path until I ran into Moody. "Dear lord no!" That was my first mistake. Never sneak up on Moody. He heard me and with a squawk had attacked me. After he saw who I was he got off.

"Snape. I see that you're alright, what of Lucius?" Wait. Wasn't he the one telling me not to go with the pirates? Second mistake, he took my silence the wrong way. "You traveled far for one with no wings," he said. "You know don't you?!" At this point I was scared beyond reason and I ran for the entrance to the mail center. To bad Moody decided to beat me there using his wings.

I slide to a halt when I saw that six Ritos were waiting. But apparently they weren't waiting for me.

"So, is Dumbledore still angry?" The roundest Rito asked. The Rito with a bloody bandage answered, "Can't you tell by my missing wing?" The man screeched and walked off. By this point Moody had spotted me. "Barty," he said, "It's Snape! Don't let him near you!" The round one stopped and looked at me.

"Ah! Snape, yes, yes, I've heard quiet a bit about you." Really? I suppose Moody hade told him. "I'm sorry about your sister-"

"Brother." I corrected. I hate that people think Lucius is my sister.

"Riiiiiiight. But we can't help you in tell Dumbledore is happy once more."

"Well what's wrong with him?" Mistake the third. I acted like I cared, this lead me into more problems.

"Well," he began, "We aren't quiet sure." I couldn't see why this was so important. "Dumbledore is the diety of the sky. This means that when a Rito comes of age they must climb up to him and get a scale. That scale will give them their wings." I didn't quiet get it.

"So scale equals wings, or reptile equals bird." I asked. This was my mistake of the forth kind; seeming interested in something that has value to another. "Yes!" He shouted. But his face turned somber as he said, "But with Dumbledore like this, fledglings can't get their wings. And our way of life depends on our ability to fly. Because of this we can't help you yet." I blinked. Was the whole world mad?

Apparently so. Moody seemed to think of something and he hissed it into Barty's ear. "Don't let that boy near your adopted son! Who knows what could happen if you did. Young James might find the courage to face Dumbledore!"

Then Barty smiled, "That is a wonderful idea Moody! Snape, James is of age to gain his wings but he is too scared to go and get them. Will you see him?" I had not been listening and responded with a nod. And that was my biggest mistake.

It was only his screech of joy that brought me back to reality. "Oh thank you! I have a letter for him. A girl named Lily is holding it on the second level. If you will meet with her and give him the letter, it would be appreciated." With that he disappeared and I was left alone with Moody.

Moody looked around to make sure no one was watching then shoved a bag into my hands. "Take this delivery bag," he hissed, "You never know when you might need it." Then he too stalked off. I let out my breath and equipped with it. Just as I was about to leave I stopped and pulled out my bait bag. Then put it away and pulled out my telescope. Slowly I pulled out every item I had and put it back. Where the hell were they going on my body? I turned my head to look at were I stored all of my stuff and found nothing there. I gave up when Moody eyed me and zipped up to the second level.

I didn't have to look hard to find Lily. She seemed to be the only female Rito in a five mile radius of Dragon Roost. I entered the office she was waiting in and she spoke first. "You do have green clothes and a funny hat!" I glared at her and she blushed. "Sorry," she mumbled, "Um, you're Snape aren't you?" I gave a nod. "I'm Lily. I'm an attendant in training." She said with a bow. I felt like royalty. "Here's the chieftain's letter. And please don't take James's attitude to heart. He's pissed that no one will let him scale..." She paused to giggle and the continued, "the mountain and get his scale."

I took the letter and nodded. I turned to leave but she stopped me. "Um, Snape?"

"Yes?" I asked turning around. I really wanted to get my pearl and leave.

"Could you meet me at the entrance to Dragon Roost's Cavern? When you've finished of course!" I stared at her. I had to go in that direction anyways. I nodded and left. Then turned around and asked for directions to his room.

Standing outside the princes door and I considered leaving right there. But I remembered that I had to meet Lily and went in.

"Din, does my dad think a discolored Santa Clause is going to keep me here?" I growled and shoved the letter in his face.

"Take this damn thing so I can leave." He glared back and plopped onto his bed. In this process he had knocked a red looking glass ball to the ground. I rolled my eyes for the second time that day.

"The jerk tells me to be brave and he won't let me go get my damn scale! And what is up with the green Santa hat?" He wasn't going to drop that was he?

"For your information, it's not a Santa hat. It's traditional garb from my home island." Oh lord did I just stick up for tradition?

He pulled a face. "Well that's ok I would never want to visit the North Pole anyways." I sprung forward to kill him but he rolled out of the way. Throwing out my leg I caught him in the side. This victory was short lived as he hit me in the face. I went for the stomach but he moved and went for my sword. My hand flew to my telescope, which I used to whack him in the head. "OW! Get the hell out of my room!!" He wrenched the door opened and kicked me out literally.

I growled and left to the cavern. He gave me a black eye that I sported to Lily. "Snape! Oh, jeez...did James do that?" I nodded my head. "Oh, you poor thing. Does it hurt?" I couldn't believe this. I went for sympathy and nodded my head. "I'm sorry. Um, Let me make a long story short I'm going to talk to Dumbledore. I understand some of his language. Could you toss me up onto that ledge?" I paused as if I didn't know if my arms were well enough, then I nodded. "Great! And watch the direction of the wind."

I picked her up and went onto a rock. I waited a moment to feel the wind blow the right way. It turned and I tossed her as hard as I could. We were not high enough, and she crashed into the wall. I ran over to get her.

"Lily! Are you alright?" What in the name of greasy things was that?

She looked at me and then said, "Snape, I didn't know you were a triplet." She hit her head much harder than any living being, minus Paddy, should. I picked her up and looked for much higher ground. I saw a rock with a slope leading to the top just begging for us. I ran up to the top and waited for the wind. Then I threw her up and hard.

I held my breath and then coughed as ashes flew into my now burning throat. While this happened Lily was talking but didn't see me then she threw down a bottle that hit me in the head. I looked up at where she had been to discover she had left.

Then I looked around for the second time and saw water. A huge rock was in the middle of it, but water! I ran over and drank my fill. Then I filled my bottle with water. I didn't realize how thirsty I was till then. I turned slowly to face the ledge I'd jumped from to get here. There was a broken bridge hanging below it making a perfect ladder. I climbed up it and began to wonder how I would get over to where Lily went.

Then I saw them; those evil, yet wonderful bomb flowers. But they were dried and shriveled. Damn, if I could just blow up that rock...wait. I pulled out my bottle and ran over to them. Pulling out the cork took sometime but I got it out. Then I dumped the water onto the plant. That stupid pirates charm jiggled I my pocket, and Paddy's voice filtered through. "That was stupid." Before I could yell at him the bomb flower came to life. I wanted to laugh but the stone had stopped glowing. I pulled the plant up and chucked it at the rock.

The bomb exploded and the clearing filled with water. I was not only back in business but I could now follow Lily!


	8. The Caverns That Lead to Ripped Tunics

Chapter 8: The Caverns That Lead to Ripped Tunics

A/N DON'T KILL MEEEEEEE!!! *Hides under her chair* Look I updated AND I twisted the Wind Waker plot a.k.a. having Lily get the boss key, Medli just seems like she could do way more than they let her, so you can put down those sharp pointy objects and be happy with my long(ish) chapter!

So, now that I've apologized (and hidden), it's time to recognize my two reviewers. Atchika and Ashleigh Snape. You two have waited and Snape, you kicked me in the butt to continue. So thank you all!! Dramatic bow in which she falls off the stage causing a mass blackout

With a wide grin I jumped into the water and began my swim across. Once on the other side I found a lava pit with two statues in front of me. This, this was stupid. I looked around for something to nock them down with. And when my eyes hit those bomb flowers, well, I couldn't help myself. With a large squeal of joy I grabbed one and chucked it into one of the statues pots. With a crash it fell into the lava allowing me to attack the other one. When it fell I ran across into an opening.

I slowly looked around the room and saw two bokoblins. "Great." But my stupidity got me caught, it was a cave after all and your speech shall be thrown all over the room and that means you will be heard by anything else in the cavern.

They charged forward holding their torches high over their heads. I pulled out my sword and let loose one large spin attack. My plan worked almost perfectly, as I expected they hadn't thought about protecting their bellies and they disappeared in a puff of smoke. What I hadn't planned was the torches falling and catching me on fire.

Dropping my sword I rolled around on the ground until the fire was out. True, I suffered some burns but I must be glad that it didn't catch my hair. With all that grease it wouldn't of been good...wait...

I snatched my sword off the ground and shoved it into its sheath. With an angry growl I turned to leave through the door, but it had chains and locks all over it. I needed a key? What am I in, some sort of dungeon?? "Well now what?" I grumbled and looked around. Two unlit torches stood a few feet away and catching on I grabbed the torches my furry enemies had dropped earlier and came back. Touching the tips together they burst into flame and a chest appeared underneath me.

Hopping off I grabbed the key inside and opened the door. I walked in carefully and started down the hall. Not much yet...I stopped and looked at my surroundings. Nothing, nothing, oh look! Nothing, and...what's this? I crept up to a section on wall, covered in crumbling wood.

"Pots." I took a step back and pulled out my sword. With a grunt I swung it as hard as I could and managed to miss the wood entirely.

"Smooth move dip stick," came Paddy's voice, "What next? Will you smash the wall with your head?" He laughed and his voice filtered out. Damn him. Standing up straight I thrust my sword right through the wood. That would teach him. "How barbaric," he sighed. I really, really hated that damn boat.

Passing through the crumbled timber I found I was in a huge room. Let me rephrase that a huge room filled with lava and giving me heat stroke.

"Why me?" I asked and slowly began to walk around the heat was killing me. I stopped at a bridge, a wooden bridge. Ok, now, I knew my life was vastly unexplainable but a wooden bride only 40 feet above the lava? I've said it once and I'll say it again, I'm going bonkers.

I ran across the bridge as quick as I could. There was no way in hell I was going let it break under me. Once across I paused to catch myself. That was the last time I was running around that close to lava.

"Snapy-wapy all tire-wierd from his runny-wunny?" I shoved the door opened and ran past a locked door to a ledge. Tired? I'd show that damn boat that's tired!

With a growl I hopped down from the ledge and pulled out a block. Jumping on top of it I sprang to the other side. I then proceeded to stomp my way to the next door. I forced the door opened and then stared in horror at the next room. A lava pit, there was a lava pit five feet away from me. "..............AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!"

Jumping up and down I screamed to whatever would listen finally ending my fit by throwing on of the hundreds of pots into the lava. I turned around to leave this nut house but a loud hissing noise caught my attention. Spinning around I saw that a platform had appeared in the lava leading to one of the ledges. I stared at it till it disappeared. I turned my attention back to the pots. Walking up slowly to one of them I examined the pot. Water markings, there were water markings on it. I grabbed on and dumped it over my head.

"DEAR NAYRU!" Yup, just as I expected the water was ice cold. I dropped the empty pot and grabbed another. I walked over to the pit and chucked it to the left. On contact it broke open and formed another platform. With a grin I hopped on it to the next strip of land, I then walked over to the chest and grabbed the map inside. This wasn't so bad. I grabbed a pot over here and threw it into the lava then went to the land that held a ladder.

Walking up to the ladder I congratulated myself. Paddy couldn't have figured that one out.

"Scchhes." What the hell was that? I glanced around and saw nothing. With a shrug I started up the ladder. Half way up I stopped. There it was again. "I swear paddy if that's you..."

I felt the stone go off, "That was not me." I was about to start up again when something soft hit me. It was also rather smelly. I quickly rolled away from it and pulled out my sword.

"A red blob," I said. The thing moved closer to me then sank into the ground, then popped back up. Then it jumped and hit me again.

"Getting a bit close to that there lava, wouldn't you say Snape?" Came paddy's voice. I looked over and found myself face to molten liquid with it. With a yelp I rolled away from it and hit the red thing at the same time. "Nice, you managed to kill a Chu-chu. Very dashing." I got up and grabbed the jelly left behind. Maybe If I ignore him he'll go away. Far, far away.

I climbed the ladder and entered the next room. Yet again I found myself in a hall. There was a door at the end, but it was locked. There was, however, wood on the wall. I'd bust it and get whatever is behind it. I stepped up to it only to hear the sound of breaking pots. I watched as a bokoblin broke the wood with a sword. So he was smarter than the others.

With a snarl he jumped towards me. I backed away and swung my sword as much as I could. When I hit him I'm not sure but at one point a puff of black smoke surrounded me and a clang later he had left his sword. I picked the thing up with a grin. That was not bad at all. Walking further on I discovered another red chu-thing waiting for me. Throwing the sword at it I grinned, this was simple. With a poof it was gone, and with a crash I looked up. There had been more wood covering a chest up. I grabbed the jelly and opened the now revealed chest. A key, now that locked door was mine. I opened the door and almost killed something. I was in that huge room again.

I glared at it and then looked around. My only path was blocked by a rock. I grabbed a nearby little rock and chucked at the boulder. "That's not gonna' hit it." Paddy's voice clued me in to his arrival. I watched it. It flew to the left and hit the wall. "Told you." I was about to chuck the stupid charm at the wall to when I saw the bomb flowers on it.

With a triumphant smile and grabbed another stone and threw it. "You really are stupid you kn-" With a loud explosion the boulder was gone and I crossed the small bridge. "As I was saying," he began, "You should have aimed for them the first time." I rolled my eyes and ran to the locked door. Shoving the key in the lock I opened it.

Stepping in the room caused me a great deal of annoyance. Tons of chu-chu's dropped from the ceiling and began their snail like approach. I ran past them down the hall. Sliding to a halt I pulled my sword out. I stepped forward with my sword held high only to have a bokoblin jump out of the wood onto it. The stick he was holding hit me hard and I growled and Paddy laughed. I grabbed the stick with as much dignity I could summon up and lit it on the nearby torch. I then went to the other side of the hall and lit the wood on fire. I stepped through and stepped on the switch. With the door now opened I stepped through into the blinding light.

Pausing to blink in the light I swayed. It was cool in here. Forcing my eyes opened I found that I was actually outside again. I cried with joy and ran across the bridge. The bokoblin that had been there seemed confused as I ran past him and kissed the dirty ground. Standing up straight again I sighed with happiness. The bokoblins stared at me and then slowly went back to where it had been standing. I grabbed my sword and stabbed him. Oh, it was a great day to kill random creatures with no brains.

With a laugh I started up the ladder. I continued my ascent but all my joy was quickly shut down as a huge blast of fire almost took my head with it. With a scream I pressed my body closer to the wood in hopes that it wouldn't fall over too hard. The fire stopped and I waited. There was no fall. I glanced up and discovered that the ladder was still connected to the up coming ledge. I scurried up the rest with out a smile. Now even mother nature was out to get me.

I threw myself onto the new ground and hoped that I could get a moments rest. I jumped up, un-rested I might add, when a loud screech sounded to my left. I turned and there was nothing there. Again I heard it and turned to the sound. Nothing. I could feel extra wind picking up...in the wrong direction. I turned to my right this time and found that my black eye had finally impaired me. Hovering a few feet away from me was a large black bird with gold tipped feathers. "Well, that's a kargaroc and I hope it will eat you."

"Thanks" I drawled and got my self ready. It flew at me and I swung hard. It flew straight up before it dive-bombed me. Holding my sword up I waited. It flew right into it. Deciding that it had actually been smarter than the monsters surrounding Sirius's fortress from hell, I grabbed the lone feather it had left behind. I wasn't sure where I was going to get rid of all this random junk I picked up, but surely someone would want it.

With that done I walked over to the edge and waited. Sure enough my paranoia helped me. A large column of fire came out from the side of the mountain and then disappeared. Carefully I stepped onto the wood that connected this to the next area of land and sidled across. Not too hard. I walked around the boulder and saw that there were rocks almost forming steps. I paused and wondered if I could make a running jump at it. "Hang off the wood there with your hands." I growled but followed the instructions. Slowly I made myself across then pulled myself up onto the rocks. "Git."

I rolled my eyes and started up, I'd pay him back later. Once at the top I found more bomb flowers. Oh joy. "You know paddy," I started, "This place is boring, and repetitive."

"Repetitive eh?" No, Interesting and fun.

"Yes, boring and repetitive."

"Repetitive eh?" What the hell?

"Yes! Are you thick?"

"Repetitive eh?" I growled.

"YES YOU BLOODY BOAT!"

"Repetitive eh?" The idiot. I grabbed a flower and tossed it at the boulder.

"Yes." I jumped to the ground and almost went through the door.

"Repetitive eh?" I stopped.

"Paddy. Don't speak to me in till I get outside again. Do you understand?" There was no return from him and I smiled. If he listened to me this one time, I'd, I'd...I don't know what I'd do but he'd like it. And with that I went through the door.

The next room was nothing but a floor and nine blocks, stacked into three rows. I went to the middle column and pulled it out completely. I waited for the rest of the blocks to crash back down and then climbed on top of it. I pulled the next block out half way and the acted as if they were stairs. At then top I went through the opening and found another block there. I went over and pulled it out to. This would be simple.

I began to pull myself up when something hit me. I could hear my rubies falling to the floor. I turned around and tried to snag some back but found a rat holding a red one. "NO!" It ran back into its hole. I was going to get my money back in my wallet if it killed me. But how do I get it back out. I took out my bait bag and got some bait. Rats like bait. Tossing some on to the ground it came out; before I could hit it the rat began to talk to me. "Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeelicious. How would you like some red potion for 50 rubies?" "Um...yeah. Ok." The rat smiled and took my money and filled my bottle. Then disappeared.

"That was, unproductive." I grumbled but no more rats came out of the hole so I climbed up on the block and then onto the ground above it. I looked to my right and saw that there was a lit torch and a chest. I opened the chest and got a compass. "I could use some money." I don't know whom I was talking to but no one appeared so I turned around to face the pots. In them were some more wooden sticks, I grabbed one and lit it. Then looked around, what was I suppose to do with it? Wood on the far wall alerted me and I tossed my make shift torch at it.

I jumped down and ran over to the ladder. At the top of it I went into the little alcove and opened the chest there, another key. "Money!" I reminded the unseen forces. I went back up to the block and climbed up to the ledge. Walking over to the door I smiled. Paddy hadn't bothered me at all. Pushing there door opened I went on.

About three tantrums later.

I blinked stupidly in the light. Was I back outside already? I squinted over to the stairs and started up. "HOLD IT MISTER 'I DON'T NEED ANY HELP'!" Great. "There are stairs missing you slime ball. I suggest that you watch it." I forced my eyes opened and found my foot over an empty space. With a gulp I pulled it back and jumped. "Good. Now continue that and you may actually survive this." I did as he said and finally reached the top. The door was locked and I was key less. I turned to head back down the stairs but saw a kargaroc in a nest. With a grin I scared the bird away from it and grabbed the hidden key.

I ran back to the door narrowly avoiding getting hit. Just as I opened the door I heard Paddy say, "And I won't talk to you for a loooooooonnnnnnnng time." And the stone fell silent.

The door slid open and I stepped through it. Lava, how original. I stepped down and grabbed a bomb flower from the ground. I chucked it at the boulder I saw and waited. The boulder exploded and there was another jar, it looked oddly similar to one I'd seen in the first room and had a glowing mist spilling from the top. I would've gone to investigate, if I had cared just the slightest bit more. With a sigh I went forward. "Come on Snape! Be excited and happy!" I didn't even bother to respond to him. He could tell me that after he spends over five bloody hours in a cavern of hell. I turned the corner and found another rock.

Running back to the bomb flowers I stopped. If there was no door leading outside behind that rock I was going to die. I glanced over the lava pit and saw a door with a golden lock on it. "Paddy," I began too tired to be sarcastic, "What's behind that door?" There was a pause and then his voice crackled back on. "That's the boss room. That will be your finale destination." He faded out and I grumbled. Grabbing the bomb I blew the next rock up. Pausing before the door I stared back at the room. How was I supposed to get there? I went through the door and almost died at the light exposure.

I waited until my eyes adjusted to the light before I started up the stairs. "Snape?" What now?

"Yes." I replied already sick of his voice.

"Those are going to fall out from under you. Luck!" What!? I ran like a bat out of hell as the stones began to fall.

"You could have warned me sooner!!!!" I jumped as the last block fell out and scraped at the ground for a good hold. Not receiving one I forced myself up and paused to breathe.

"Well, you could have been more pleasant on this little trip couldn't you?" He was no longer going to receive anything good from me for his earlier silence.

Getting up I look past the gate I saw something that made me angry. I mean really pissed off. Guarded by two green bokoblins was Lil, and she was in a cage. I couldn't believe her! I came all this way to help her not save her! I pulled out my sword and growled as I began to walk towards her. "How could you even think to-" My angry speech was cut off as the guards advanced. My chat with her would have to wait for a better time. Going on the defensive I circled them hoping they were as stupid as their blue counter parts. One of them swung his sword low causing me to jump over it, and drop my sword into the other ones head. Quickly I grabbed it not wanting to fight with out a weapon.

The second guard came forward and I stuck my sword out allowing it to trip over its buddies old weapon and fall into mine. I smiled, too easy. I turned to yell at Lily but she screamed and pointed behind me. I turned in time to be hit by a moblin. I jumped up and threw my sword at him. He side stepped it and gave a loud snort. "I'll teach you to interrupt me!" I grabbed one of the bokoblins swords and charge at him. I began to swing it wildly and at some point it connected. With a poof he was gone.

I dropped the sword in my hands and turned to shout at Lily only to have her right behind me. I was so shocked that she was able to hug me tightly before she started speaking into my chest.

"Oh Snape, THANK YOU! I can't believe you came all the way up here to help me! You are such a hero!" My mouth was wide opened. What do you say to that? With an OH! She pulled away from me and then quickly told me the whole story.

"Snape, it awful! Some creature is doing horrible things to Dumbledore's tail! But the only way to get to it is by going into the room bellow him, but you'll need the right key." She paused but smiled. "I have the key for you!" She pulled out a large golden key and gave it to me. "It's what got me caught but I'm sure it will be helpful." Well she didn't have to do that. "Snape, one more thing. You will need this grappling hook to get to it. Please climb those rocks and I'll tell you what to do next." With that she flew up into the air and landed on a poll.

I quickly ran to the rocks and climbed them. Looking up to her I waited. "Ok," she started, "aim for this poll and then throw it over here." I glanced at it, then her, and then the poll.

"You sure?" I shouted over Dumbledore's roar.

"YES!" She yelled back. I began to swing it in a circular motion and aimed. Releasing the hook I stood petrified. Seconds later it grabbed the hem of my tunic and practically made me do a flip. I tried to let go off the rest but that further got me tangled. I twisted and turned and fell to the ground. Great, just great.

"Snape! Are you all right? Oh I should help you." My eyes widened. "NO! I can't get this thing under control. You just wait up there!" I couldn't see her as I struggled to free myself.

I could hear Paddy sigh. "You're hopeless. Your never gonna' get a girl like this."

"What!" I hissed back to him.

"Listen, put that bit in you right hand over your head and push the bit in you left through it. I growled.

"I can do this."

"No, you can't." I stopped. Fine, I did what he told me to and then the rope fell around me in a pile.

"Wow, how did you do that Snape?" I could hear Lily from the poll.

"Um, I'm a champion knot tier on my island." I could hear Paddy laughing. But Lily seemed interested.

"You'll have to tell me about it later! Now come up here again and try it." I nodded and climbed the rocks again and aimed. Spinning the hook I made sure to release it after it was past my waist. This time it hit the poll and wrapped around it.

With a smile I swung to the next ledge and took the hook down. "Good job Snape!" Lily shouted. "Now go help Dumbledore. You're a true hero!" I blushed madly. What was with this Rito? I marched over to the next poll and swung across to another ledge. Before I hit the ground I pulled out my sword and swung it so the wood would break quickly. With one more glance at her I dropped down to the door I came from.

"Mister heroic show off!" Paddy laughed, "Man that was so...dramatic, and you my little wannabe sailor are truly stupid."

I scowled darkly. "Cram it fire wood." I turned and went through the door. I walked up to the near by poll and swung across the lava. Landing on my feet I opened the chests on this side. "Oh goody." A joy pendant and a belt, or as Paddy called it a Knights Crest, was all I could get. Breaking the pots gave me little more joy. I only found 20 rubies and a healing fairy. With a disappointed sigh I walked over to the door and shoved the boss key into place. With a click the key turned and I was in.


	9. Fight of The T Bug

Chapter 9: Fight of The T Bug

A/N Well, I have to say, these are harder to write now that I have WoW to eat away at my life, BUT I SHALL TRY! Also, Paddy is singing the James Bond theme song in this.

The door slid open and in I stepped. And then I almost died; the room was circular with almost nothing but lava in it. "If I see one more blasted lava pit…" A loud slam alerted me that the door was closed and the battle would begin. Silently I stood waiting for something, anything. But it was as if even Dumbledore knew nothing at this point in time.

"Hoy, grease ball, act like a hero and move your butt closer. Who knows maybe it will just be a red chu-chu. Oh my bad, that would terrify you, wouldn't it?" Deciding that was the last time I would bring the damn charm with me I moved forward and stood still again. "Well, who knows, you could have scared it with that huge honker of yours."

"Will you shut up for one second Paddy!?" My voice echoed around the room and suddenly the ground was shaking. Landing on my backside I stared at the pit in horror. What appeared to be a giant cockroach had come out off it, and for a brief moment I imagined a giant 30-foot Trelawney looming above me. .... On the other hand, I prefer the bug.

Jumping to my feet I pulled out my sword and dashed to my right. "Paddy? How do you beat this thing?"

There was a snort and then he said, "Like I know." Brilliant, just brilliant.

The bug lunged forward and caught me between its claws. Its one blue eye stared at me as it continued to screech. Wait, THE EYE! Jabbing my sword several time at the eye proved useless. The bug merely shut its eye and in exoskeleton was far too hard. It pushed itself back up and I ran.

"OH! I know what to do Snape!"

For once I really, really wanted to hear this. "WHAT??"

Paddy stopped offended at my interruption. "Sing some dramatic chase music." Never again. As I ran around the room dodging its claws Paddy held true to his chase music. "Doo Dot dum! Doo dot dum! Dododododo, doo daa doo daa doo daa doo daa, dat dadadat da do do de dat dadadat da da do de baadaBUM- badaBUM!"

Bloody hell, this would be much easier if he would shut up. I found myself being thrown in to the wall thanks to Paddy's distraction and had to run as it shoved its claws back into the ground. This was my moment. I began to look around the room. Wood was sticking out everywhere but this hook wouldn't go around them. I would need something round...thick...and long that I could swing to anywhere in the room with.

"Doo daa doo daa. Goooo foooor theee taaaaiiilll! Dadadadadat! TAIL!"

"WOULD YOU JUST.... the tail?" Looking straight up I found Dumbledore's tail hanging down right above the lava pit. How would the tail help me? "SwingfromIT-swingfromIT! Badatbadatbadatba!" I pulled out my hook just in time. The bug had managed to get itself out of the ground. It glared at me just like it was a moody teen. I gulped. Moody teens were scary.

It sent one of its claws at me and I rolled to the right. Quickly taking aim I threw the hook and jumped up. Two things happened then. First off, Dumbledore lifted his tail so I cleared the bug and second of all, the ceiling fell down once I landed. "Nice." I smiled; even Paddy would stop to congratulate me. I turned to leave the room when there was a loud sucking sound. The bug had returned.

I spun around and gapped. It should be dead! "Well," paddy began, "Valiant effort, but at least you caused some damage." True. The bug's shell had cracked slightly. Ok, this wouldn't be too bad. I quickly took aim again and threw the hook. Once again, luck was with me and I swung across making the bug get squashed again.

"Come on Snape! Sing with me. It will be good for you health triangle." I rolled my eyes.

"Yourstupid-yourstupid, badababadababaa!" I sang.

"Now Snape. There is no 'I' in singing." I sighed and turned around. The bug was turning around to face me again. It looked angry now and once again I had to stop to think of Trelawney.

Throwing my hook one last time I grinned. This would be simple. But simple is not my style apparently. The hook caught my tunic and I was thrown with it to the ground. I struggled quickly to get myself untangled from the rope and was aided by the bug. It whacked me to the other side of the room giving me time to get free. Jumping up I readied myself to throw the hook again but the Trelawney Bug had figured that much and this time I was pinned to the wall.

With a yelp of surprise I dropped the hook and went mad to escape to the ground. I kicked my legs and tried to move my arms, nothing was working! In a desperate squeaky voice I called out to Paddy. "Help! Help me get out of here!" I waited wide-eyed as the bug put its face close to mine and I swear it almost smiled at me. Bringing back its other claw I prepared myself for the unavoidable squish.

"PADDY!!!" He still did nothing and I squeezed my eyes shut. I hoped that damn boat got its kick. But then I heard something wonderful. Something wonderfully horrible in a rude manner.

"99 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THAT WALL, 99 BOTTLES OF BEER! IF YOU TAKE ONE DOWN, AND PASS IT AROUND YOU GET ANOTHER ANNOYINGLY HIGH NUMERAL LEFT THERE!" Now, I'm not saying, well...yes I am. Even the Trelawney Bug could tell that that song was crap and dropped me to save itself. I grabbed the grappling hook and sent it flying to Dumbledore's tail. No time like the present when Paddy is singing that song.

It caught and I swung across letting the rock chunk hit the bug again. I whipped around and stared at the lava. And for a brief moment everything was as silent and still as it was when I first entered. Was it over?

The Trelawney Bug was pissed now; it flew up and broke the rock into hundreds of small pieces, but in the process destroyed its own armor. I ran forward with my hook and aimed for the eye. If this worked, I would live to see another day.

Sending the hook at the eye was possibly the easiest thing I had done so far. The metal end tightened around the eye and with a huge tug I pulled the bug forward. It hit the ground dazed and confused. Things were going up! I pulled out my sword and stuck it directly into its giant eye.

With a roar of pain the bug splashed back into the lava, taking my sword with it. "Smart moved." I stepped away from the pit and watched as something amazing happened. The bug had stopped moving and was twisting in agony. Slowly it turned black from the lava as the lava cooled around the cooked creature. With a last loud crack the head blasted off and slammed into the ground next to me where is disappeared leaving a giant heart thing and my sword.

I don't know how long I stood there staring at the ashes. Paddy's voice filtered through the air, "That was rather...anti-climatic." I almost laughed. That was the most dramatic thing that had ever happened to me.

Gingerly I moved forward and picked up my sword. Then I grabbed the heart thingy. I didn't have to wait long before I felt completely rejuvenated. I turned to face the ex-lava pit. In the center there was a swirling vortex of wind. The gentle breeze felt amazing and I took of my hat to shake out my hair. Dumbly I staggered to the vortex, it was like I knew I would be transported away.

Stepping in I closed my eyes. This was my first peaceful moment, for, I don't know how long it had been. My body spun silently and my feet left the ground. Where ever I was going. I couldn't wait.


	10. Wind God's Wind or Something

I still don't own a thing, incase you forgot.

A/N What? Me not update? Who? When? You're crazy! That's right peeps, I'm not finished writing this story, no matter how long it's been I have to finish it. (Or die!) Feeling peppy for once in my life during my free time.

Ok. I've been spinning for Din knows how long. And I'm beginning to think I won't stop. Discouraging thought but what else should I have expected from this twisted spot in my life.

That's when it happened. Faster than I could stop myself I had planted my feet in the ground and shortly after my face. I jumped up and spit out the sand in my mouth. Man my legs feel weak.

"Severus! Hoy Severus!!" Lily?

"Santa! Oy Santa!!" And him…this had better be good. Lily skidded to a halt in front of me and glared at Prince James, the insufferable twit.

Looking back at me she smiled. "Snape you were amazing! Even Dumbledore wants to thank you." I craned my neck to look at the giant dragon.

"Eroh uoy eahv vsaed tihs pacle romf arhm." What? "Uoy rea ut ruet eroh." Is this a real language I felt like asking. "Onw uoy usmt eus eht Indw Ogds indw." What the hell?

I glanced at Lily who was now thinking. "What did he-"

"HERE!" Startled I jumped and turned around just in time to have Prince Twit shove a stupid red ball in my hands. "It's Din's pearl," He started, "I have to give it up if I want my wings." A little overly sweet for him. "Don't get me wrong, it would be hilarious to watch you beg for it." Ah good, for a moment I feared he had a life threatening disease. But we can't all get what we want I suppose. Grumbling he stood waiting. "Well?"

"My name's not Santa." He growled at my response and stalked off muttering about something. Poor insane boy. With a grin I sighed and looked at Lily who was staring at a cave.

"Use the Wind Gods wind? Was he talking about the monuments we have?" She was talking more to herself than me so I poked her. I mean no use listening to her go insane also.

"Well? What did he tell you?" She blinked at me several times then smiled.

"He said to use the Wind Gods wind." I felt The Potion Maker in my pocket, great. "I don't know what he means but he has also named you, Snape, a true hero." Hero? Winds? What God? Lily pointed to the cave which now, upon squinting inspection, looked like the entrance to a cove. It was after this that she looked around and noticed James was missing. Then with a groan and a quick wave Lily of the Ritos had disappeared.

Taking my only lead to heart I staggered over to the opening. Once through I found two marble monuments on a small strip of land. I'd have to swim to get there but I'd do it. This island was going to explode any second and Mad Eye was watching me through a window. And he was creeping me out. Badly.

"Get away from those monuments, you vandalizing freak and outsider!" Ok, time to get going. I jumped into the water and took the quick swim across to the land. If I got lucky maybe he'd leave me alone. No such luck but I had already pulled myself up onto the land and looked at both of them. Both were white with blue boarders but there was one slight difference. One was standing tall and the other was a bunch of ruble scattered about. Well, that narrows my choices down.

Walking on my still Jell-O like legs I managed to get close enough to see some odd markings. Up right left? Alright…now what? I shifted then remembered Paddy's music lesson. I pulled out The Potions Maker and waved it in the three directions. Nothing. How…disappointing? I turned to leave when a large gust of wind hit me in the face. Slamming back first into the marble I was plastered against it from the gale. Then just as suddenly as it began the wind stopped. That's it, no more wind/potion making/whatever the hell this thing does-ing.

"Yep! That's a mighty bad wind there!" A green frog was floating on a cloud beside me. Had I accepted any food or drink from Moody? "Hello! You must be the new Wind Waker!" He looked at the giant spoon in my hand and groaned. "Oh no, you're Paddy's boy? So ah, he he, you're the new…whatever you are, are you?" So, the Gods don't like Paddy. Must ask him later about that.

"Potions Maker," I told the amphibian. With a nervous laugh he looked me up and down.

"Well," He stumbled for something to say before quickly saying, "You can use the wind whenever you want good luck!" Then he zoomed off. What just happened? I didn't get a moment to think about it when he came swooping back down.

"Right. Well that's my brother's monument over there. Cyclos, he's a meanie but he can give you the power to control hurricanes. If you see him scold him for me." Then he was off again. I slowly shook my head and swam back to shore. I don't know what had happened here but I wasn't enjoying it.

Of course seeing Paddy playing with a silver rod wasn't too enjoyable either. I stalked up to him grabbed the odd rod and chucked it into the ocean. "What do we do next?" I asked Paddy looked thunder struck.

"You bloody twit! That was the Wind-" I cut him off with a growl.

"I don't care what it was! What do I do now?" I tapped my foot and waited. At least he wasn't singing.

Paddy cleared his throat and began one of his pep speeches. "From here we will travel to Forest Haven. There we will meet the Great Hagrid Tree. You should talk to him and get Faroes Pearl. Once you have that you'll only be one pearl away from getting your book back." Victory. I smiled and then stopped half way through my first step.

"I have to sail again, don't I?" Paddy shifted.

"Yes. The winds right and the time is now!" I stared at him and screamed.


	11. Water Bottles

A/N This was the part I was looking forward to all day. That's right! Putting on my Zelda Baseball cap and my Wind Waker shirt! So let the parody begin!

I had finally mastered getting into Paddy and hoisting the sail. Steering was another story completely.

"THE LEFT THE LEFT!!" I yanked the rudder and barley missed a fiery volcano poking out of the sea. "What in the name of Din are you doing?" Um, steering? "We could have died! Worse yet, I could have caught fire or had my paint job scorched!" Well, shame for him. Ignoring whatever else he had to say I looked around for one of those strange fish men.

We ran into one who had almost ended up as sushi when he said I looked like I was still in diapers. The fish had filled out a spot on my sea chart so I could always locate Dragon Roost. Although Lily's the only reason I'd go anywhere near there. The fish then told me that he would tell his cousins that I was sailing about. The prospect of being called Short-Fry wasn't enticing but the promise of filling out a sea chart I didn't know I owned was thrilling.

I was jerked out of my thoughts when a wave crashed over the hull and into me.

"Hoy Short-Fry!" Did I have to do this? "Alright I know what you need so give me that chart!" I held it up so that the odd little thing could ink on the area. When he finished he looked up from the water. "Now, if you keep sailing south you'll find a submarine. In that hunk of junk you'll find a treasure! Now give me my bait." Logging the information away I threw some bait out to the waiting fish and it swam away.

"Sub to the South. Forest Whats-it-called to the South. Works perfectly." Paddy sighed and looked at me.

"Forest Haven you honker." What is his obsession with the word honker? My nose isn't that big.

"Your one to be talking Pads. You could easily conquer a country with that thing." I pulled up the sail and looked out for the Sub. What kind of treasure was it holding? I put my hand into my pocket only to discover its empty-ness. I had blown all my money at Harry's floating shop for some fish bait. With a sigh I began to hope it was nothing but piles of rubies.

"It's over there!" Paddy shouted.

"What?"

"The submarine you ninny!" I am not a ninny. Jerking the rudder again we changed direction and Paddy yelped in surprise. "Not that fast! You can save an island but you can't sail. What's the deal Snivelus?"

Snivelus? Well, that's a new one. I stopped a few feet short of the subs right side and swam to its exposed hull. It was all wood with a gapping doorway. The genius that built this thing had probably drowned in one. Climbing inside I found that there were a few green bokoblins and some rats. Simple enough, but everything was since the Trelawney Bug.

I pulled out my sword and shield and jumped down screaming like a loon and swinging my sword about. Per usual the beasts were too dumb to realize that I had no clue how to operate my weapons. They stepped out and lunged right into my sword, leaving the rats. Not feeling like dealing with them I scurried over to the ladder that had fallen down.

There was another door there and a chest waiting to be opened. Touching my empty wallet made me run to open it. I grabbed the lid. Something wonderful must be in there! I lifted with all my might and forced it up. There's a light! It must be tons and tons of money! Throwing the lid up fully I grabbed for the rubies only to touch glass. Oh man! This is the biggest pay off I'll ever…a bottle? I went out of my way for a bottle?

With a growl I shoved the thing into my pack. Wait. I reached behind me and once again attempted to feel or see this all holding thing but I only managed to fall from the platform and land at the ladders bottom. Stupid fish thing. I forced myself up and left back to Paddy.

"How much money did you get?" Paddy was twice as eager as me and I scowled.

"Loads."

"How much?" Paddy's eyes lit up.

"So much I couldn't even count it."

"So you found five rubies?" He sounded disappointed. Oh well. Time to break the news to him. Pulling out my bottle I shoved it into his face.

"This much." Paddy looked at it, then me, and then it again.

"Your joking right?" Look, he's crestfallen.

"Nope." He blinked and then growled.

"Stupid fish men!" If he had a fist he would have shaken it. So I shook mine for him.

After that "fun" adventure we sailed into the night. This forest place was really far away. We got more spaces filled out on my chart but upon seeing the island all my annoyance and fatigue melted into the night air.

"That," Paddy began, "Is Forest Haven. Within its secretive cave opening thingy you will find a grotto. Well, not really, I just made that up. I don't know what's inside besides The Great Hagrid Tree, but I'm sure you'll do fine. Best of luck." And with that he stopped, swerved, dumped me on a grassy spot and sailed himself out enough that I had to swim to hurt him. Not worth it.

I began to walk up the winding path only to be stopped every few feet by the bulb plants known as boko babakins. Defeating them was easy, once I figured out how to fight them without being eaten. But at the top I found a quick stream and I found a pole jutting out above the stream. With a growl of dislike I positioned myself to throw the grappling hook and prayed that I wouldn't get tangled this time.

I managed to swing my way across with out to much damage. Plus I only got swept away by the fast running stream once. At the top was a small purple creature with many legs, an Octo that I easily destroyed. Making the final swing I landed in very shallow water. I was surprised when the small pool almost swept me away but I kept my balance and stepped into the entrance.

What did Paddy say was in here? Oh, that's right, he didn't. I was already in and expecting my doom filled death, but nothing happened. Opening one of my eyes a crack proved useful, seeing as there was only a few very short water falls to climb up.

The first one almost drowned me. I pulled myself up and blinked the extra shiny water out of my eyes. I looked at the stuff only to see that it could have easily looked like diamond-covered floors. Bending down quickly I grabbed a fist full of the soil. But once up and out of the water it was plain, brown, and making uncomfortable noises in my hand. I dropped it in disgust and hoped to watch it get washed away.

The mud dropped, but the water stayed crystal clear. What the hell? I kicked up some mud and watched as it disappeared into the water. Clear, clean, and untouchable water, unaffected by anything in it. Ok moving on.

I practically jumped up the remaining two falls in an attempt to get out of the magical water only to find no relief. The whole place was covered in the stuff. Spying the giant lily pad I ran for it and dove on. Safe. I was safe for now. I twisted to examine my boots, if it could do that to dirt, what had it done to me? Nothing. My boots were fine and my feet and legs unaffected. Suspiciously I put my boots back on and then looked up. Dear Farore.

Looming far above me and out of sight was a giant tree. Its branches twisted and turned into impossible patters and its leaves as large as my head. My mouth hung open as I continued to inspect the tree by the fireflies' light. That's when I noticed it. How could I have missed its giant face? It had what appeared to me as two giant 'bushy' eyebrows. Its eyes were closed but under that was a large nose and mouth. There were tons of leaves surrounding the mouth and that traveled up the sides, making a large 'furry' beard. This was The Great Hagrid Tree and suddenly his name was very imposing.

I stood up not wanting to look to stupid, but I suppose that was ruined by my girlish scream earlier.

"Um, Great Hagrid Tree?" It stood motionless. I can't believe this; I'm talking to a tree. "Great Hagrid Tree?" I called louder that time, but still no response. Maybe I could just leave and come back in the morning. I was sleepy, and so was he apparently, sleep sounded good to me. I turned to leave but the water glinted more like a knife than diamonds and I plopped down again.

This was as good a place to sleep as any, right? Besides Paddy would just annoy me all night and I'd get no sleep…I could just camp out. Taking one last glance at The Great Hagrid Tree I wondered if he'd let me call him just Hagrid.


	12. Number 13

A/N Well, here I am again, decked out in my LoZ gear and ready to write. I got a review and then felt pretty good. I kinda got into an Odd Todd do nothing phase. A big hug and smile to Atchika for reviewing. Thanks!

_Fields. Long open fields were stretched before me. So...so peaceful. I smiled and listened, there was a beautiful song. It drifted far across the endless fields and out into my memories. Where was it from? I knew this song, walking forward I stopped in front of a courtyard. I could see the back of a young maidens head. Her hair flowed down her slim shoulders as she continued to play her haunting melody. A blue ocarina was poking out from the side; I'd never heard anyone play one so well. Now I knew sneaking up on people wasn't nice, but I couldn't help it. I crept up behind her_.

"_Zelmus!" I called softly. She pretended not to hear me so I crept closer. "Zelmus." Reaching her perch I grabbed her shoulder, and then slowly turned her around. "Zelmus you look absolutely-ECK!" _

_Trelawney turned her head at me._ "_What?"_

"AH!!" I flipped right off my bed and slammed into what should have been the cold hard floor. Only, it wasn't, it was the freezing cold soft water that could eat me. Screaming louder I bounced off my back and landed back on the lily pad, gasping for air. "Stupid, bloody dreams!"

I shook my head in an attempt to get water out of my ears. This adventure was really wearing thin. I looked up at the still sleeping tree and blinked. Did he always have those Chu-Chus on him, or were they attackers? One noticed me and jumped down. With another shriek I grabbed the nearest weapon, my hook. Swinging it about my head I hit not only the solitary attacker but also the several others that had collected on his face. As it swung back around I managed to hit myself on the forehead. After the stars cleared I managed to look up, the other chus eyes grew wide and they quickly, or as quickly as globs of jelly can, fled.

With a smile I put the hook away only to find that I was being watched.

"Hoset lochtes. Ouldc eta eb het Erho els Imte?" Not another one of these! I looked around as if Lily would pop out of a nearby bush and translate. No such luck. "Od uoy ont dnursetand het alngeau els dlo?" I briefly thought of Dumbledore howling in pain as the T bug tried to eat his tail. Why was I putting up with this? Hagrid wasn't in danger anymore; I should go back to Paddy and say too bad, so sad. But he then changed his tune.

"Sorry 'bout that. I sawer yer clothes an' allowed m'self to speak a language o' old. I'm the Gaurdian o' this Forest Haven, the Great Hagrid Tree." He smiled as much as a tree could smile at me. "Thanks fer savin' me by the way. But now, you must tell me. Did Paddy send you?" Hoping to see another person who hated him fueled my answer.

"Yes, that lousy loafer did!" I said while pointing back towards the door. Hagrid only gave me an odd look.

"So, it's true…you've come fer the goddess' pearl right?" I slowly nodded my head, this wasn't anything like I thought he'd say. "I see. Well, all o' those monsters make sense now. Sirius 'as returned. In that case, we should 'urry up then, eh? Koroks! Little children o' the woods, come forth! He means us no 'arm!" My eyes grew wide as maybe eleven of the odd creatures poked their heads out from behind Hagrid's giant eyebrows. They looked like walking trees with giant leaves for faces. Suddenly they jumped in the air and flew towards me using a propeller like device. They stood silently around me and stared.

"Wha's yer name again?" Hagrid asked with his face scrunched in confusion.

"Snape. Severus Snape." I responded to his question.

"Snape?"

"Yes."

"Snape?" As he asked again I found a headache coming on. He was rather like Paddy in my opinion, either dumb or a bad sense of humor.

"Um…yes?" I hoped this wouldn't go on all day.

"Well Snape, these are the Koroks! They're spirits o' this here forest. Don't look so scared Snape! They're harmless!" I glanced around at them and saw their sharpened limbs and evil smiles. One of them made stabbing motions with his arms and I gulped. Harmless my foot.

"Once they were 'umans, but when the flood came, they 'ad to change. Adapt tha' is to live here. They hate 'umans now, they 'ave attacked a few, I admit it. But they're so cute! I jus' forgive' em in the end!" He gave what sounded like a soft mothers coo as one lunged at me. Side stepping it caused it to fall off the now elevated pad. Idiot.

"As it jus' so 'appens, yer in time fer an annual ceremony. When it ends I'll give ya' the pearl." He made a 'That's just too darn cute' face as a second Korok took an attempt on my life.

Ducking just in time I asked, "How long will this take?" Hagrid paused his light chuckle at the beasts failed murders.

"No' long at t'all! We should actually begin so eh? Got to get going before dark!" He was about to say something to the murderous little creatures when a twelfth one arrived.

"NO," It screamed in a squeaky voice, "O' Great Hagrid Tree, unlucky number 13 is lost!"

Hagrid pulled a face of concern. "Well, you two always do get lost on the way. And Neville's not that unlucky." I looked at unofficial number 12 and back at Hagrid, who the heck was Neville?

"You don't understand! 13 fell into the-the Forbidden Woods!" Looking at Hagrid made me try to cover my ears. Too late.

"What?? The Forbidden Woods!?" My hearing was then replaced by a ringing sound. Oh, Nayru. Now I was deaf, after the long boring speeches about Koroks! I watched as the Korok looked confused and said something. Then Hagrid looked depressed, he then looked me up and down and asked something. I nodded my head, figuring he asked if I was hurt. He nodded his massive head and then spoke again. I nodded my head solemnly, whatever he was saying was heartfelt.

Poor 13, Hagrid must have really cared for that one. That's when 12 said something else and Hagrid looked me up and down again. With a nod he spoke. Then his face screwed up and something appeared on one of his tallest branches.

With a smile he spoke louder and with an air of pride. "That's yer 'Agrid leaf. When you get it, and use it properly you can fly temporarily. Now go save Neville."

What? When did I agree to that?

I was going to object when one of the random Koroks pushed me into the water. With a yelp I ran onto a strip of land nearby and gasped. That water was dangerous! Why was everything here dangerous!? I glared at the little hellions and then ran; they were jumping down to me. I ran to a nearby bulb and jumped into it, maybe I'd die a less gruesome death. No such luck. The bulb spat me into the air, then into another bulb to another. The third one spat me onto some solid-ish ground and I gulped. That had been crazy.

Looking up only let me find that 12 was standing not but three feet away. I grabbed my hook and threw it at him. I missed but it hooked on a branch and I swung into another bulb. After completing that set of bulbs I landed on a branch. Great, now I was cornered.

"Hoy! Grab the Hagrid Leaf!" Oh Goddesses I rarely felt this relived to hear Paddy's voice! I pulled out the glowing stone and grabbed the leaf. "Good, now that you actually have realized that it was there, try jumping to that giant grass arrow." Grass arrow? Paddy was going insane. I looked around and saw it. I suppose one of these days I'll admit he's right, but not today. "Now be careful! There's a little hell demon over there." Thanks. I shoved the stone back into my pocket and jumped.

Then I fell and landed in the water. Stupid leaf, it was defective! I quickly went back to the branch and glared across the way at the Korok. How do you make something broken work? You fix it, but I'm too lazy for that.

"Paddy?" Man I'm getting desperate.

"Whaty?" I cringed. What sort of word is whaty?

I took a calming breath. "How do you get this thing to work?" I waited hoping that he wouldn't say something sarcastic.

"Grab the stem in one hand." All right. "And the tip of the leaf in the other." Kay. "And then jump off, but watch your magic meter." I didn't know what a magic meter was but that sounded simple. Following his instructions I jumped from the branch and soared over to the arrow.

The Korok was ready to attack, so I only dropped long enough to run through the opening. Once outside I ran farther into the light. Light seemed to hurt most spawns of evil, so why not? I stopped when the land came to a point and glanced behind, ready for a fight. The stupid bugger didn't even follow me. I swung my sword angrily at the surrounding grass. Feeling only slightly better I picked up several potions, of cheap quality I might add, and some rubies. Glancing out I found a giant gust of air, some really big island, and a couple of flying pea hats.

With one big gulp of air I ran out and opened my leaf. The air blew straight into the entrance and I knew that none of the little demons would follow me, cursed island and all that was working in my favor for once. I smiled and entered the ancient island, I would hide out and when I couldn't find Neville I'd give heartfelt apologies and grab the pearl.


	13. The lost chapter

A/N I want to send a big thank you to all my reviewers and then a sorry to all my readers. I lost my notes on this chapter and I have no idea what happens after one of the rooms. My bad, I know. So I'm going to skip an ton load and cut only to important rooms. Sorry, I'll make sure to take better care of my notes. Also for BlackSheep, if you have e-mail I can tell you when I'm going to update.

Stepping in almost mad me run right back out. This place was dark! I squinted through the gloom and saw a path on my right. Anywhere is better than outside with flying killing things, so I marched in that direction.

"You know what you're supposed to do right?" Paddy's voice filtered through and I growled. That's right. I'd brought that stupid stone with me.

"Of course I know!" What kind of a question is that? I'm running from regurgitated spawns. What else does he think I'm doing?

"No you don't." I was going to yell at him when I tripped over something. With a growl I sat up and felt my way back to the front of it. "It's a chest you greasy git." I could have gotten that far on my own. I pulled open the lid and reached inside. I pulled out a map and stared at it. "That's right," Paddy all but screeched, "Your saving Neville!"

I pulled out my sword, hey I'd rather fight off Koroks than go through this again, but my path was now filled. Filled with green Chu-Chus. I gulped and began to swing my sword in random directions. Puffs of smoke filled the air and I began to feel better. I had some skill with this thing after all! I grinned smugly and turned to walk down the path, only to fall off instead.

"Did I mention that was a ramp you walked up? Sorry about that, but you might want to figure out how to open this door. Shall I repeat that slower and louder so you can understand it?" Stupid pompous…

" That's alright. I can figure this out." With a snort Paddy stopped talking and I turned to the door. There was a flower and vines covering the whole door. Simple. I pulled out my sword and walked forward. The flower closed it's self up and I smiled, poor thing knew what was going to happen. I cut through the vines on one side then the ones on the other. The flower didn't fall. I looked over at the side I first cut and saw all the vines were back. I stepped over and cut them again. That was odd.

Looking over the second side reveled that those vines had grown back. I ran back and forth cutting and slashing wildly. It was war. With a growl I attached my hook to the closed flower and yanked. Nothing. I growled and began ripping at it with my bare hands. It was going was howling with laughter and that only fuelled me on. After several more minuets and me finally cutting my arm I gave in.

"Paddy, how do you open a door?" He stopped laughing and in a very serious tone began.

"First you approach it. Then you grab the doorknob, which is going to bulge out and twist it. Then you pull the door or push it. If there's no knob, try using a handle." Stupid, ignorant, big headed-"Or, you could wait till the flower opens up and then slash it away."

With a huff, I backed up. The flower opened and I charged, but before I could do anything with in my range it closed again. I started over. It opened. Charged, it closed. I took a deep breath and screamed. I yanked at the closed flower and howled. With my anger out, I fell to the ground. Panting I rolled onto my stomach and pushed my self up. On my hands and knees I saw it. A large nut, which was sitting in the grass.

Paddy broke into peals of laughter at my dumbfounded look and I paused. That nut was mocking me. It had been there the whole time I made an ass out of myself and Paddy had said nothing? I very slowly got up and pulled the damn thing out of the ground. Walking to my starting position I dropped the nut, pulled out my charm, and chucked it instead. The flower didn't know what was happening and I hit my mark. With a grin I strolled over, grabbed the rock and smiled. Paddy's voice was yelling at me but I was happy.

Take that flower-vine-door blocking…thing!

This next room was a doozy. The walls had thick green vines growing strait out of them. But these vines weren't just as big an elephant, oh no. They were swinging about in the air.

With a gulp I looked in front of myself. There were a series of platforms with those spitting bulbs on top of them. They rose up out of the air so high that I couldn't see what they lead to. My natural curiosity got the better and I jumped into the first bulb.

The process was simple. Fly into the air, open up my leaf, and float to the next. When I made it to the final landing I wanted to shove my victory in Paddy's face, but he beat me to it.

"Oh look! It's one of your little friends Snivelus!" Looking up slowly made me find a door with a flower on it. Of all the rotten luck. With a growl I looked for one of those big nut things, then remembered that my charm worked too.

"Don't you go throwing me again," Paddy all but shrieked again, "You could break it and then what would happen? You wouldn't have and thing with a brain near or on you!" I have a brain, enough of a brain to chuck the charm at the door and have my passage.

"Loser." I sang before stepping into the next room. Whoever designed this place must have been on something.

Hanging from the ceiling on the opposite side of the room, was a platform hooked up to a system of pulleys. There were also two pots place in the room. One by me and one by the platform that had what appeared to hat racks with leaves attached to it.

"You have no idea what to do, do you?" I almost felt like saying yes, but the memory of that first room came back.

"No."

"I didn't think you were smart enough. All right tosser, listen up." Oh, friendly. "Pull out that leaf of yours, can you handle that." Yes, actually I can, but the question on my mind is can your chew food and breath at the same time? "Then aim it at those leaf…things" And you said you're intelligent? "Then wave your leaf at it so it'll move." That's it? Even I could have figured that out in less than an hour!

Pulling out my leaf I aimed. Raising it slowly in the air, I brought it down fast. There was a cracking noise and the platform jerked free of the vines that covered it. The ropes strained and the pulleys groaned. By the time the creaking platform of decaying instant death reached me, I would have chanced jumping.

"Old things," Paddy sighed, "They're so sturdy!" I gave a nervous laugh.

"Y-yeah, delightful." Oh goddesses, I'm going to die.

I gingerly placed my foot down on the platform, and waited. After a few moments passed. I put weight on the foot and waited again. It seemed like it could hold me.

"I wouldn't get on that if I were you."

"And why is that _Paddy_." God, he's so annoying.

"I don't think it can hold any weight, let alone you fatty." My god he's brilliant.

I quickly drew my foot back and stared at it in wide-eyed horror. I could have died. I could have bloody died and no one would have known!

"But you should board anyways, it's not like any one cares about you."

"Remus and Lily care!"

"Mmm-hmm. Keep telling yourself that." I'm not frightened! With a huff I stepped on to the platform as if to dare any one to call me scared. Then I turned around and waved my leaf. Then platform jerked and began to move. I caused the movement but it still caught me off guard, I fell on my bum and grabbed the side of the platform. Din let me live trough this!

"You can calm down you twit." I looked up and saw that we had indeed reached the other side of the cavern. Still sitting, I lunged towards the land, and rolled away from the nightmarish platform, vowing to never do that again. I stood up and all but ran through the door.

This room had winding paths that rose slowly up. It also had some more of those golden flying pea hats. With there small ball like bodies, multiple eyes, and regenerating propellers, I hate pea hats. Pulling out my leaf I planted both of my feet firmly into the ground. Their propellers started spinning. I repositioned my hands on the leaf. They started for me. I raised the leaf above my head and began waving it around randomly.

"You, my friend, have no balance, charm, or skill." I put my leaf away with a snort. I had no charm? Pulling out my sword I leisurely began to walk about the room and destroy the pea hats.

"And what makes you think you're so great?" I was dying to hear this.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that I don't try to break someone's only way of communicating?"

"Are you still mad over me throwing this rock thingy?" I let out a grunt of annoyance as several boko babakins popped out of the ground.

"Yes! How dare you try to stop my wonderful voice from brightening your day!" Slash, hack, chuck, retrieval of sword. This seemed to be my new way to fight in general.

"Well there's no point in you still being angry," He gave a snort, "Now let me finish," Chop, fancy spin, "I threw your stupid stone once-"

"Twice!"

"Fine, I threw it twice but that's all over now." I stopped talking to finish off the last boko babakin that was in my way. Driving my sword deep into its fleshy bulb I paused when it not only spit my sword back at me, but also turned into one of those spitting bulb things. With a smile I jumped into it, no point wasting air when I can have some fun.

Upon reaching the top I found another door covered in another one of those annoying flowers. I glanced around me and found nothing to throw at it.

"Alright then. Oh mighty and mystical sage known as Paddy, what shall I use to break this flower and pass through its mighty frame."

"Now that's more like it!" I could have died. "Now I want you to first answer this question silently, are you brave as a lion or something similar in stature?" Yes. "Now I want you to turn around and tell me what the truth is." What kind of help is that? Turning around I found that my answer earlier…well, it was a load of bull.

Hanging from the ceiling was another old decrypted platform. I gulped down my fear and pulled out my leaf again. I can do this. I quickly triggered the switch and watched as it began to move. It's jerking lurches and constant moaning almost made me run, but I somehow stayed put long enough for it to stumble close to me.

"There's a Hagrid Nut over there."

"Oh," I began with a nervous smile, "Is that what those giant nuts are called? Lovely name that is." I chuckled lightly and stared across at it. "Think I could grab it with my grappling hook?" I asked.

"No." I nodded and boarded the platform carefully. This would be quick, easy, simple, and horrifying, but I had something to prove! Using my leaf the platform ran over to the other side. "Now that wasn't so bad was it?" Paddy asked.

I ignored him and grabbed the Hagrid Nut. Turning around I placed it back on the platform and faced where it came from. Using my leaf again the platform ran smoothly back to the other side. That was simple. I almost laughed at how terrified I had been of this thing. I chucked the nut at the door and the flower fell. Man, when I let my imagination get away with me! Stepping off the platform I opened the door, I could do that again easy!

(Back with the platform)

There was a loud snapping noise. Then there was a whoosh. The right side of the platform fell down causing a tilted effect. Then just as suddenly as it had jerked to life, the platform fell with a loud groan. The pieces that scattered the floor were no more than splinters, and none could use it again.

(Back with Snape)

With a smug and confident grin I stepped into the next room. The lighting was low, almost blue like light was filtering through the branches and leaves. It was a relaxing room. Saving Neville wasn't that bad, I decided. The room itself was more of a hallway. There was a door with a flower at the end and a Hagrid Nut in the middle.

"Something's not right here." Paddy's voice said. "It's too…easy, nothing is ever this easy." I shrugged.

"Maybe it's the breather room." I suggested walking towards the nut.

"Nah. I don't think so. There's never a breather anywhere." He insisted.

"Well this could be it." I was about to put my foot down when paddy shouted.

"Don't step there! Stop you bloody idiot!" Stumbling back I watched with big eyes as huge thick vines shot out of the ground and surrounded the nut. "Just as I thought. A trap. Alright then mister girly scream, back up and use your leaf."

I don't have a girly scream. I backed away and waited in tell the vines had gone back into the ground. My leaf was out and ready.

"You don't have to make this tid-bit so dramatic." Letting out a huff I waved my leaf. He ruins everything. I walked over to the nut, making sure to avoid the killer vines, and chucked it at the door. The flower of doom fell to the floor and I was free to pass. "My hero." Paddy drawled. He's really quiet a pain. "I'm just swooning for you." I could feel that headache coming back.

Three Tylenol later…

I stepped through the door and looked around. Nothing special, but then there is that sparkly stuff falling on me. I twitched my nose and looked up, and there was the biggest moth I'd ever seen. For a second it was a rather nice site. But the whole illusion was kinda ruined when it shot fire out its back end and caught my hat on fire.

Yeah, that was defiantly what killed the mood.

I ripped my hat off and yanked out my sword, I was not going to be defeated by a fire-breathing moth! A pillar of flames flew towards me and I clawed at the closed door.

"Don't be such a ninny Sniv! Just hack at the bugger." Paddy tisked through the stone.

"And when do you bloody suggest I do that?" I whipped around to come face to face with the bug.

"About now I'd say." Taking Pads advice I slammed my sword directly into the bugs head. The moth fluttered away and twitched. Then in an infamous puff of smoke it was gone. There was a pause as I got my hat and sword, then Paddy spoke up again. "That was a shoddy job if I do say so myself."

I jogged over to the chest that had appeared and yanked out the boomerang inside. "Paddy? Shut up."

"Will do. I want to see this!" I didn't know what he meant by 'this' but I aimed for the switches with my new weapon. I cocked my arm and chucked it. The boomerang fell to my feet. "It's more of a motion." Paddy said using all his describing powers to help me.

"Thanks." I said rolling my eyes. Picking the stupid thing up I tried again. My second release was even worse than my first and it hit me in the head.

"Good. Try that again." Paddy cheered. Lousy stupid…After several more attempts I finally hit the switches, walking away with minor bumps and a heavily bruised ego. "Someday you might be boomer champ!" Boomer? Fine ok, I'd hold him to that.

Let's just call it quality time with Boomer. (a long bit into the future)

"Let's never do that again." I heaved and let my tiered body slump to the floor. I was currently in a weird room. When am I not? And I couldn't have cared less about the moblins that just fell out of the sky.

Wait.

I jumped to my feet and quickly ran up a ramp. Once at the top I saw five switches. Just perfect for Boomer. Peachy. I spun in a wide circle and let the hunk of wood fly. Somehow it hit all five. There was a scrapping noise and then silence. Well, silence except from the snorts of moblins.

"Good job now what?" I growled as Paddy began making noise.

"I'm working on it." I poked my head over the edge. They were still there.

"Why not get whatever's in the chest there?" He suggested.

"What bloody chest are you talking about?" His laugh made me growl.

"The one there. You know. It's made of wood and heavily guarded?" This will be the second time that twit's done that. I scooted farther out and saw what he meant. It was under me, inside this hollow tree thing. And a few seconds later I was about three feet from it on my back. "Smooth one that was."

The moblins turned around at the sound of Paddy's voice and I ran for the chest. I grabbed the lid and yanked. No use it was stuck. "It's stuck! It's stuck! It's stuck!" I seemed to have become a blathering idiot. I pulled harder and suddenly it popped open. "

"It's open, it's open!" Paddy mocked. But I could care less. I grabbed the big boss key and ran back up on top of the tree. "Good, smashing, wonderful. Now how do you get out?" Through the door? I glanced at it only to find it had bars on it. I groaned and rolled on my back again. The moblins were almost grunting a song out. Disgusting. "Oh that's lovely, you know it Snivel?" I rolled my eyes to the heavens. Honestly he was so-

Brilliant. There was one of those swingy branches above me. I was free. With a laugh of triumph I sprung to me feet. Chucking my hook over it I climbed faster that a…well, faster than usual. I opened the door at the top and felt like a victory dance. But remembering who was watching me from the stone I didn't.

Again, with the room skipping and the pain!

It was almost over. I was almost free. Neville was just on the other side of this one door and then, I could get out of this demented place. I grabbed the key from my pocket and shoved it in the lock, with a great heave it turned and with a growl I entered.

The room was circular and almost completely bare. If it weren't for the huge flower thing with a Korok dancing in it, this might be painfully dull. "Alright Neville! I'm here to save you! So hurry up so we can get out of here." That's when I saw he was stuck.

"I'm trapped, this thing might eat me!" He was a bit paranoid.

"Yeah, well, I might do that too." He squeaked and the giant flower closed. But not before a head like object swallowed him. Can't I do anything easily with out fighting? The flower used vines to latch onto the ceiling. Then it lashed at me, throwing me clear across the room.

"That was brilliant Sev! Now try and cut it down." With a nod I yanked my sword free and lashed out at the flower. Getting hit a second time I dropped my sword. "Right, once again great! You're doing swell! Now pull out Boomy and aim!" Boomy? Oh he means Boomer! I pulled the forsaken thing out and threw it at random.

Several of the vines fell down and I ran to retrieve my weapon. Besides the whole not coming back thing, I was getting quite good at this. By the time I turned around though, the flower had connected itself again. I chucked my boomerang again, this time however it cut and flew back to me. Catching it I chucked it again. Not too shabby.

The earth at my feet suddenly attacked me and I flew again. "Did I mention it still has roots?" paddy asked. "Silly me." Rolling I smacked into a wall. I hate this job. I'm not even getting paid for this! Jumping up I found it had reconnected with the ceiling. I began to throw Boomer again and this time the flower fell to the ground. I charged only to remember, oh yeah my sword.

Spinning on the spot I threw myself at the chunk of metal. Turning around I could see the flower was recovering and closing again. Taking a leap of faith I tossed my sword at the head like thing. I watched in awe as something went my way. My sword flew right threw it's 'neck' and the thing dropped. Then something even better happened.

The flower began to shrink. Neville reappeared and passed out. I stared in shocked silence. Something worked. Nothing ever works for me! No wait no it didn't. I was more than willing to go out the way I came in but my sword fell in that swirling wind. This stuff seemed to pop up everytime I do this whole hero thing. Seeing a pattern I didn't want to spend the next five months spinning.

I ran forward and grabbed Neville. We were not going that way.

"You're going into the spinning thing of doom right?" Paddy asked. What kind of question is that?

"No." I replied. Suddenly the wind got stronger and right before I was lifted off my feet I could hear paddy's voice.

"Too bad." Some days I truly hate that boat. Other days I know that I truly hate him. Maybe we should start seeing other people?


	14. The Hungry Days

A/N I still don't own a thing! All these long years later, and nothing really belongs to me.

So this might sound bad, but I was sure that these things were giving me motion sickness. All the spinning round and round, was just not good for my health. When the spinning stopped I was standing on the elevated lily pad with a still unconscious Neville in my arms. Hagrid gave a joyful squeal when he saw us standing there and immediately began talking.

" Ack. Thank ya' Snape, ya', ya' saved 'im!" Hagrid's ridiculous blathering forced Neville awake. And he began speaking too.

"I'm so sorry Great Hagrid Tree! I didn't mean to fall into the Forbidden Woods! You know I wouldn't! I didn't mean to-to ruin the ceremony!" He also began crying and the other more evil Koroks began a rather menacing approach, I felt like I was in a bad soap opera.

"I don't mean to, well actually I do, but can I have Farore's Pearl?" I shouted through their annoying cries.

"Wha', oh yeah! Of course ya' can, here ya' go!" Hagrid screwed up his face again and this time nothing happened. "I hope you'll stay fer our festivities." I was about to try and politely say, "Hell no," when something hit me in the head. Let me rephrase, something really hard hit me in the head and then I watched as a green glowing orb fell into the evil water.

"Don't tell me that was-"

"Yarh, it was."

"So that mean's I have to-"

"Yup."

I gulped. "I should, eh, probably…" Water of possible death, Koroks of very much evil death. "Get to, uh, that then. Nice meeting you, I suppose." Hagrid wasn't paying attention for Neville had begun playing a tune on a leafy looking cello and the other demons were temporarily distracted by a need to sing. It was my opportune moment. I jumped down into the water, scooped up the pearl and sprinted down the waterfalls back out into normal, polluted seawater.

I checked my pulse and put the orb away once I could breathe properly again. If I died because of this I was going to kill something in my next life. Glancing down at Paddy I hoped he died before me so it could possibly be him. I sat down and let the natural current wash me down into a small basin like area. I pulled myself out of the water and shoved the pearl into Paddy's stupid fat face.

"That's great, but I already knew that. Now we need to really get to it. You see I hadn't really planned on Sirius' power reaching this far, that handsome powerful brute! So we need to hurry to The Squid's before something bad happens. The Squid lives at Great Fish, so let me mark that on your map here," he made some quick marks, " and let's get going before it, I don't know, is horribly destroyed and maimed."

I hopped into him and was hoisting up the sail when my stomach let out a loud growl.

"Excuse you!" Paddy said, and then laughed at his own stupid joke.

I hoisted the sail, "Ok one: Fart jokes aren't funny," I pulled on the rudder and began heading towards what Paddy had marked as 'Snape's a stupid git', "and two: That didn't even sound like a fart."

"Well, I could have been really funny if you hadn't ruined it like that." Paddy grumbled and then let out a nervous squeak as I made a bad turn.

"It was ruined when you uttered it you buffoon." I growled.

"What I said was pure gold my friend. Pure gold." He forced us past a barrel.

"I was going to jump that, and nothing you say is gold. It's all a bunch of ruined-"

"SHIP!" Paddy howled and avoided a passing treasure hunter's boat. I took that moment to notice that either someone was spitting on me or it had started raining. Then something strange happened, we managed to sail in silence for several hours.

"Hey Paddy?" I asked looking at the still dark sky, "Is it me, or has it been night for way too long?" When he didn't answer I turned to look at him. There looming in front of us was a destroyed island, with a very dark ominous cloud hanging overhead.

"What had happened to this place?" Paddy had spoken my thoughts and for the first time the severity of our situation hit me. Then I also realized that this meant no Squid, whoever the hell that was. That little detail made me angry.

"What the hell?" I growled and rammed Paddy into the sandy beach. Paddy didn't even complain as I got out of him. "What is wrong with this mad house? I could just buy a new copy of that book for two hundred rubies! And you," I pointed accusingly at Paddy, "You just keep leading me in circles! Bleeding life threatening circles! And you," I cried pointing at Mad-Eye Moody, "You're just here to-Moody!" I jumped a mile in the air.

"Severus. I have a message to deliver to you from The Squid from the lake." He said his blue eye on Paddy. "He is on Outset, but I wouldn't tell anyone that. Especially those pirates. Yes, I ran into them while looking for you and I didn't tell them anything. Except your predicament and how The Squid is on Outset. Then they left and last I heard, landed at Windfall. I suggest you ask them about The Squid." At this point he turned to leave, but I was sure he was still watching with his magic eye. "And one more thing. I would spend as little time here as I could. The Squid said it was cursed." With a paranoid squawk he flew off in the rain and lightening, and honestly, I wouldn't be sad if it struck him and he died.

"So The Squid made it after all. Impressive for a being with no brain. Kinda like you Snape. Any who, it's getting a bit depressing here and I'd really like to get out of the sand. On that matter, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? Huh? You could have really messed me up you jerk!"

With a grumbled yeah, yeah, I pushed Paddy back into the choppy sea. And I did it with barely any face plants, anyways; once he was fully in the water and not sinking I hoped back in and turned in the direction of Windfall. I hate that stupid island, with all of the creepy shop owners. And all the old people. With an unhappy grunt I hoisted the sail and we didn't move. In fact we were going backwards.

"You know, if I were you I'd use the Wind Waker to-sorry, my bad. Someone I know threw it in the sea!"

With a roll of my eyes I pulled out the Potion Maker directed the wind and then scratched this really bad itch I had with it. That had been bugging me for hours! Then I slipped the Potion Maker back into my mysterious pack and took over sailing from Paddy. With an unenthusiastic voice I said, "To Windfall."

We began to sail to the North East and already we were having some problems. Windfall is only one freaking square thing from Great Fish but there was an odd tower blocking our path. Slowing down I threw some bait into the water and waited. Soon enough one of those stupid fish men hopped out of the water.

"Let me tell you a little something about You-Know-Who's tower here. A man-snake lives here named…" he lowered his voice and forced me to lean over to hear him, "Volde-" I strained to hear him as thunder shook the skies.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that. Can you say it again?" The fish looked like he could slap me.

"Fine but lean in close this time." I leaned further out and he tried again. "His name is Voldemor-" But once more there was thunder before he finished. I however was a little more concerned as I fell out of Paddy into the water. Spluttering I swam right up to him.

"What is his name now?"

Without lowering his voice at all he shouted, "Voldemort you idiot!"

"That's what I keep telling him!" Paddy interjected so helpfully. With a quick nod I climbed back into Paddy and waited for him to continue.

"Well, You-Know-Who won't give up this little grudge and stop killing people! Can you believe that guy? Plus all he wants to do is decipher maps all day, says he'll take over the world doing it!"

"I knew that." The fish man stared at me as I said it. Then he ignored me.

"That just goes to show you fry, you really can judge a person by their appearance alone!" With an annoyed huff and a large splash of water in my face the fish swam away.

Paddy rolled his eyes. "I could have told you the moral of that story! It's how I judged you Snivy."

"That's…" I didn't even bother to finish that sentence and we continued to Windfall.

By the way, before I forget, remember how I said I never wanted to be a sailor in all that nice sunny weather? I really mean it now.

"Alright Snape," Paddy began as we reached the docks, "It looks like crazy old Mad-Eye wasn't lying. The pirates, if you can call them that, are here." I made a note to tell him later that I agreed about the pirate comment. "Listen, we know they're after The Squid's pearl, AKA Nayru's pearl, AKA the third pearl, AKA that stupid pearl, AKA why do I have to get this pearl? So, I don't know about you, but I've put in way to much effort for them to snatch it from me. So find out what we need to get in and let's steal the pearl from The Squi-I mean, obtain the Pearl from The Squid before them."

I quietly began my trudge up the hill. Now, if I were a wanna-be pirate where would I be. Remembering all the shops I made a list. One: the café. Two: Raiding the rich guy's house. Three: Getting more weapons, say the bomb shop. Ok well, if they really want this treasure they won't raid the rich guy and judging by how thin Remus is I doubt they'd be eating. I quickly ran to the bomb shop and then paused. I probably shouldn't let them know I'm here. Snapping my fingers I remembered the way I got around back during that hide and seek game with the Killer Bees.

I went around the side, sidled over the water, and made it back onto some solid ground. I quickly went up the vines and crawled into the bomb shop. I was on a ledge high up and underneath me were the pirates. They were tying up the jerk that ran the place and I could hear the only conversation quiet well.

Hermione patted the man on the shoulder, "Look, don't go blaming us for this. We absolutely needed these bombs for our treasure hunting." She smiled widely and squatted down to even their height. "Think of it as pay back for the monopoly you've been running here."

"I love that game!" Luna said from behind her telescope, which she was looking in the wrong end of. "I bet you're wishing you hadn't asked us to pay so much for these now." With a pathetic whine the man fell over. This was kinda fun, and they were actually being…pirate like.

"Hey Tonks, that was some great fast talking you did with that Postman back there." Hermione said.

"Well," Tonks said as she put her barrel of bombs down, "No it wasn't. It was easy; I just had to buy him a coffee."

Hermione stood up again. "I knew Snape was hiding something on that island!" At this point she opened a book labeled inventory and wrote something down into it.

Tonks smiled and started talking again, "I bought him a coffee and he started telling me about his childhood. It was terrible when he started crying so I gave him some advice and in return he told me about Snape and The Squid."

"Nice work anyways," Angelina said and poked Trelawney to do some work. "You know Tonks, between your smarts and Sir Remus' ideas…if you two got married and had a kid…that kid would be the best tea connoisseur in the world!"

Tonks began blushing madly at this. "Cram it Angelina, Sir Remus did you hear her? Can't you dock her pay or something?"

Remus was hunched over in a corner looking worse for wear. "Listen, please stop girls. We need to move those bombs back to the ship. When we're done with that we need to get going right away."

There was an audible gasp from Trelawney. "Sir Remus, surely you are joking? We just got here. We need knew supplies and-and food. They have chocolate here. Let's just stay here and do stuff for one night, hm? Who's with me for doing stuff?"

All the pirates looked from Remus to Trelawney and back to Remus. It was like a western show down, without the west. Or show down bit.

"Trelawney, don't be difficult. You saw that island, you saw all that destruction! It was pointless! And trust me, I know pointless destruction." At this point all the pirates were shifting nervously on their feet. "We need to hurry to Outset so no one there becomes a werewolf- I mean, the island won't be destroyed!"

Hermione stepped forward slightly. "Not to be disrespectful Sir but, it sounds like you care more about that island then the treasure."

Remus actually did something slightly mean. He rolled his eyes and said, "Of course I-"

CRAP! I backed up as quickly as I could. He saw me. Not only did he see me, but so did Luna and that's what scared me. "Alright girls, you win. We'll stay here for the night and leave for Outset at first light." All the pirates gave a mighty cheer.

"Say, frizzy, what was today's password again?" Trelawney's voice was as thick and sweet as spoiled honey.

"You are useless. The password for today is PROLYLALANYLSERINE."

What?

"Oh, isn't that the Tobacco Mosaic Virus?" Tonks ask rather uninterestedly.

My mouth was hanging near their feet at this point.

"Yeah, it's of the Dahlemense Strain, why?" Hermione asked as she picked up her barrel.

"Just wondering," Tonks replied and picked up a barrel as well.

"Well, we know Peter isn't particular about how you say it, he probably doesn't even know it, but just in case…once more, the password of the day is PROLYLALANYLSERINE."

All the pirates filled out one by one after that and left me alone.

I lay there for a few minutes trying to sound it out. Giving up I hopped down to the floor and walked out of the shop. If the bombs are on the ship then I will get them from Peter. I slowly jogged down to the ship and jumped on. I went up to the door, but before I could touch it Peter shouted through to me, "What is the Tobacco Mosaic Virus of the Dahlemense Strain?"

Crap.

"It's um…" I panicked for a moment, "the…uh…cigarettes?" Ok, bad answer but it's all I could remember about tobacco at that moment.

There was a pause before Peter said, "Uh…yeah, I think. You're a pirate, come on in!" The door suddenly unlocked and I went in. Peter wasn't in the open area and I found myself winding down stairs to the test/cargo hold. I hadn't even been in it for three seconds when Peter had to start yapping.

"Snape! My old swabbie Snape! So…you're not dead then?" No I'm I fricking ghost, what does he want from me? "Nice, very nice-oh hey why are you back?" Peter looked at me like I was a puppy in a window.

"Why I had to come visit." My smile was beginning to hurt.

"I get it! Oh, that's the sweetest thing! You came back because you liked me so much! Is that it?" He pulled an odd face.

"Sure. Can I have-"

Peter cut me off with a, "Pirates aren't sweet! They are smelly. And they have bad teeth. Because you're still not a real pirate I'll give you another test to achieve it."

"Achieve it? Do you mean become smelly and have bad teeth?" I asked, smile completely gone.

"What? NO! That's just gross. Now, you need to swing from these lanterns to the other side. And if you can do it, I'll give you the bombs we got in town. You heard me!" Peter was smiling a wide grin which showed off his own bad teeth.

In fact I hadn't really. I slipped into a daydreaming of killing him and was brought out of it when he shouted you heard me. But making an educated guess I swung on the lanterns to the other side and stuck out my hand.

"You…how…o…k. Ah-hem! I suppose the bombs are yours now. Take them. Go on, take them! Just don't tell anybody that I'm a liar and a backstabber. Ok? I'm serious! Ok? Really serious, the last time this happened I had to bite my own finger off! So take them! OK!"

While he shouted I had disappeared back out the way I came. But before I could fully get out I heard a voice. And I don't mean a heavenly, redirecting your life kind either.

"Hello Snape!" Luna all but sang through the pirate's charm. "That was some great swinging you did back there. Well, Remus wants to talk to you now. Bye!"

I growled at the door in the time it took Remus to get on. "Snape? Listen, now that you have those bombs, you can get the treasure. The Squid is in a cave at the back of the island you were born on. If you get there before us, you win, keep it. But if you don't have it by then, we'll sail past you get it, and give it to you."

There was a crackle and for a moment I felt bad for poor Remus who was really just not cut out for pirating. But then the moment passed and I went back outside. Man I was still really hungry. I walked up to the café only to discover that it was now a 'private party only' sort of place. With a large groan I went back to Paddy.

Before he could speak up I said, "Bombs, cave in the back of Outset, Goddesses I hate that place, let's go so I can eat." With a summary in place we sailed all the way back down South, with help from the Potion Maker.

At the bottom of my sea chart, I realized that Outset was still a ways to the West and was pissed off. I had gone into the Southern Fairy Fountain, which I thought was right above Outset. It was a damn shame when the stupid fish man marked it to the East of my home island. The only good thing was that I heard of another fairy who would give me a 'larger magic meter'. I wasn't quite sure what that was still but I sailed down one more square and there was no four armed fairy that I could find.

"You win some, you lose most," Paddy said in an attempt to get an emotion of me as I had fallen silent back near Windfall. "Well, let's go to Outset and shut up your stupid stomach." I gave a slight growl but he was right. The last I ate was almost three days ago now.

Turning the rudder we sailed west for less than two minutes when a whirlpool came out of nowhere. We became stuck and I found myself grateful for the larger bomb bag that last fairy gave me when a Big Octo popped out of the water. It loomed over me easily twenty feet high and ten across before I managed to remember to move if I wanted to live. I heaved the cannon, which paddy "forgot" to mention, into position. It only had four eyes, but I still was freaking out and I still wasn't sure how to aim.

BOOM

"Nice, but the Octo, yeah, he's over there." Paddy was attempting to sound calm as we got sucked closer and closer to the large octopus like creature.

"Shut up you stupid boat!"

BOOM

"Um, we've already been over this. That's," Paddy nodded at the waves, "the ocean. Say it with me. Ocean."

"I-"

BOOM

"Hate-"

BOOM

"Your-"

BOOM

"Guts!"

BOOM

There was a squealing noise as the Octo sunk under the waves.

"Pathetic." He sighed before looking ahead again.

Before I could reply a fairy had come out of the water.

"Young maker of the potions, allow me to aid you in your pointless and self-centered quest," She whispered and then blew a rose on me. Immediately I felt an odd power running through me. "Now you have twice as much magic as you had before, use it wisely."

"Wait, fairy! What is a-" but she had disappeared before I could finish. With a growl I lifted the sail and once more set a course for Outset. "This has been almost completely pointless." Paddy nodded and within the next hour we were at Outset. Not that I cared by that point. Any land and food would work now.

"Listen Snape, it's going to be night forever at this rate, so why don't you catch up with your family. And eat something before I have to cruise your dead ass to the local morgue." Without really listening I dragged my sleep deprived body up the short hill to my own home. As much as I hate this place it was oddly comforting.

"Minerva?" She didn't answer. I shrugged off my pack, "Minnie?" Well, she wasn't yelling at me, so something had to be wrong. I poked my head around the corner and there she was, slumped over in her favorite chair. "Grandma?" I approached her slowly and stared into the empty pot. Empty pot with no soup in it meant I was going to starve. Fearing that cannibalism might set in soon I went right up to her. "Grandma."

I was surprised when she let out a moan. So she's alive. Just…what? I touched her forehead. Ah, well, she's just sick. I grabbed one of my fairies and quickly released it one her. For a moment the fairy was confused and I pointed to my food maker. The fairy nodded and then quickly flew around us both.

"Snape? You're alright?" I wasn't sure whether to be happy or angry that she didn't really seem to care. "So, where's Lucius?" I tried to not throttle her and demand nourishment.

"I've yet to rescue him," I said. She squinted her eyes at me and her whole demeanor changed.

"Severus? Are you feeling alright?" I hated when she did this. Act coolly and then suddenly be very concerned.

"Yes, except that I haven't eaten in three days." There was a pause and then she sighed.

"Clean up and I'll make you some soup. Have a biscuit in the mean time." She stood up and started the preparations.

Normally I wouldn't accept a biscuit from her but I would make the exception. I quickly went into the bathroom, cookie in mouth, and got into the tub. I'm not sure how long I was soaking before she called me. I could smell the soup. It was hot and there all for me! Jumping out of the tub I quickly dried and got back into my clothes.

Back in our main living quarters was a bowl of wonderful soup. I ate it so fast that I felt I might never taste again.

"So you really haven't eaten in a while." She said the concern poking back through her cool demeanor. Instead of slapping her I accepted another bowl and once again slammed it down. So good.

"Well, I'll just have to keep a pot of this ready all the time now."

I ate until I was at the bursting point. Now I was uncomfortably full when she put my formerly empty bottle down.

"You had your fairy in here. I filled it with enough of this soup for you to have two servings. When you run out don't hesitate to come and get some more." She put it down with the air that I had limited time left in the house before she was going to kick me out.

"Thanks." I mumbled and took the bottle back. She was taking this we're adopted family thing to a whole new and undiscovered level.

"Rest up and then go save your brother." She turned to sit back down in her chair and I climbed into bed.

"Minerva?" I questioned half asleep.

"Yes Severus?" She sounded softer than usual.

"Is Lucius my brother or sister?" I curled up more and hugged the pillow close.

"I'm…not sure Severus. I'm just not sure."

I welcomed sleep.


	15. The Squid

AN: So I'll be amazed if anyone is still reading this, but thought I'd let ya know that the first set of italics indicates a dream. I hope you enjoy this installment of the very slowly updating Legend of Zelmus!

I don't own anything, this is solely here for those of you who still think I'm trying to rip off Nintendo or JK Rowling.

_There was that strange melody again. What in Din's name is that song? I found myself following it again. Please don't let Trelawney be at the end of this one. I ran through the fields, into the courtyard, and around the maiden whom I, for some reason, knew was just Remus in drag. He didn't stop playing that ocarina though._

"_Where are we?" Remus only smiled as I asked. I was disturbed to find I was almost smiling too. "C'mon Remus, don't be a pain. Where is this? And why are you…" I motioned up and down at the pink dress but once again he only smiled. Now I really was smiling. My Goddesses this is creepy. "Please tell me. Don't be like Paddy."_

_Remus stopped playing and looked right at me. Then he opened his mouth and said-_

"Snivily! Get up big nose! Nayru above man, when I said visit I didn't mean fall into a deep stupid slumber."

I blinked several times at the celing.

"Get up now!" With this last helpful shout Paddy shut up and the stone stopped glowing. I groaned as I got out of my bed, it was still dark and stormy outside. And it was still night, which really didn't help. Glancing around I found that Minerva was gone but that she had 'kindly' cleaned my hideous green outfit.

For a moment I paused but, it really was cold…damn. Dressing as slowly as I could something hit me. Not an idea, an object to be a little bit more precise, my pack to be annoying. My head was really starting to hurt. However, it would at least be impervious to any blunt objects by the time this whole thing was done. Deciding that sailing in Paddy still didn't sound fun I racked my brain for something else to do.

I could visit Ron. No, he's far too creepy. I could…visit Hermoine. Still too creepy. Well, what else is on this stupid rock?

"Where are you going greasy?" Paddy called from the dock.

With a grin I replied, "I'm going to see another great fairy." I ran over the bridge and started up the hill. Wow, hey, I'm not out of breath yet! All this running and fighting must have gotten me in shape; it was a rather nice thought.

"Duh-dink!"

I really could almost cry. Sprinting to the top I found the bridge to the forest was completely destroyed. I pulled myself up onto the wooden structure and looked down at the little devil things. Ok, now what. I still wanted to get to that four armed, gift giving freak.

"I can do this." I muttered just to feel a little better about myself. I was up high, the wind was blowing towards the forest entrance, and I can fly. With a large grin I pulled out my Hagrid Leaf and jumped into the air. I couldn't believe I had figured it out and floated safely across the gap. Maybe this trip really had changed me.

I jogged up the short hill and made a beeline for the huge rock. Then paused. Why not? I grabbed a bomb and chucked it up near the rock, all I have to do is crouch down low and out of harms way. I imagined paddy's wrecked hull as the bomb let out a large boom and the rock blasted into several thousand pieces around me.

I quickly got up and jumped down the exposed hole. At first it was terrifying because of the drop, but I suddenly slowed down…and it sort of tickled. I jogged up to the fountain and waited as the lone fairy turned into a gift-giving fiend.

"Greetings oh Potion Maker, do you still seek your book?" The fairy looked exasperated and quite frankly sounded annoyed.

I opened my mouth and then shut it. Was I actually still doing this for a book? A book that I realized I could buy on Windfall. I hadn't rescued Lucius, but I doubted I was actually interested in rescuing him. What was this all about? Maybe, maybe it was over what had happened at Great Fish. But that had been kinda cool, in an evil way. Hm…I hadn't thought about it in a while. That's when it hit me. My dreams, I was driven by them, but what did they mean?

Well, I wasn't quiet sure and I really wanted whatever she was going to give me so I nodded my head.

"Fine. Fine. Here take it and leave me alone." She all but chucked a grown-ups wallet at me.

Yeah, I was still in it for the book.

I snatched it up and suddenly realized that had taken far less time than I had hoped. Damn…I really was going to have to visit Ron. I could barely suppress my growing annoyance.

I tried to make the trip a long one, but with the still pouring rain I found myself almost running to get inside. Wool and water do not mix. I stood stomping and uncomfortably itchy in front of Ron's door. With a steadying breath I stepped inside.

I was tackled almost immediately. "So you're back, are you? Why didn't you tell me something was wrong huh?! Thought I was too crazy to tell huh? Well I'll show you! I'll show all of you!" I had no clue what he was shouting about but I immediately threw him off me and drew my sword.

"So have you finally come for serious training in the way of the sword? Fine come at me then!" Ron had, from my perspective, appeared to pull a spear out of his back pocket.

"How did you-"

"We fight now!!" And so he began to come at me slowly. I crouched slightly deciding that a spin attack was my best bet. Very, very slowly we circled around one another until I bumped into his back wall. His one knight's crest fell on my head and in a panic I started spinning for my life.

But I couldn't stop. I felt my magic draining away as I spun what seemed like an age. This was sickeningly similar to my experience at Dragon Roost. Then instantly I stopped and fell flat on my face. As I realized that I had gone cross-eyed I heard a sob.

"You, you have mastered all I know…I-I am so happy!"

I ran as quickly as I could, while slamming into things, and made it outside. "Are you finished yet?" Paddy's voice rang over the rain. "Good, now get over here so we can see The Squid!" As I climbed in I found yet another question burning in me.

"What, er, who is the squid?"

"You really need to learn to capitalize Snapers. The Squid is…well…a squid for starters and uh, it's rather powerful ya know. The Squid," Paddy sighed, "is The Squid."

"Thanks?" I tried as we began to sail around the back of the island.

"Your quiet welcome. Oh by the way, look out for the giant swirly of death."

"What!" I felt Paddy's hull almost lock into place.

"Well, good job with that one." He grumbled as I began to search for the cave entrance. "Behind the rocks stupid. Use the cannon!"

With a hiss I yanked it out and began to fire at the rocks. Deciding that the top rocks would fall the easiest I first blasted them off. Then I took out the middle ones. By the time I had gotten to the bottom my aim had improved drastically and as the final chunk of rock fell into the ocean the swirl stopped.

Wait a minuet. "Paddy, did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Paddy asked as he began to cruise us into the cave.

"That music. You know, it goes de dah de dah de dah!" I forced the cannon back inside his hull and leaned over to look at him. "It keeps playing place, after place, after place. It's really staring to bug me."

"Oh that's the you actually did something right music. You know…like congrats! You actually opened a chest, or hey nice work on that rock wall! Well anyways, you should just be happy when you hear it, but now on to The Squid!"

We cruised into the cave, and I realized for the first time how big the cave really was. You could have even hidden the Hagrid Tree in here I bet. Paddy stopped just short of the halfway point and I dusted myself off. He might be a squid, but he was a magical squid, so I decided somewhat attempting to look good was smart. And we waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

"He is here isn't he Paddy?" I finally sat down, my feet dully aching.

"Of course he is! What makes you doubt it?" The two minuet echoing 'plink' from a drop that fell in the water was my only answer. "Right, so maybe he's sleeping?"

I rolled my eyes. "Can't you just call him?" I glanced over his edge at the water. It was a deep blue, and would have been serene if Paddy hadn't of yelled at that moment-

"OY! THE SQUID, PADDY'S HERE WITH THE 'HERO' AND THE POTION MAKER AND WE WANT YOUR PEARL AND WE ALREADY GOT THE OTHERS, SO COULD YA PLEASE COME UP?"

…

Somehow I wasn't surprised it did nothing more than hurt my ears. Looking back at the water I noticed something off about it. Hadn't the water been dark blue a minuet ago? As the water continued to grow lighter and Paddy continued to be absolutely oblivious I began to get nervous.

"I think we should move back." My voice was barely above a whisper.

"Wha? Why?" Paddy turned his head to look at me, and completely missed the tentacles swinging freely in the air.

"Because I think you actually managed to call him. And he needs room." I began to feel nauseated as more and more tentacles swung around.

"Wait, are you admitting that I was right?" Pompous boat.

"Yes, are you happy? Let's move now." There was a really bright nasty looking thing coming up almost underneath us.

"Say it again." He smiled. We began drifting backwards from The Squid's shear size.

"You were right! You were right! Move! Move! Move!" I dove out of Paddy and swam down a few feet before the water pushed me back. Latching onto a stalagmite I prayed for just about anything to go my way. As I felt the current slow enough for me to swim up I made a note to send thanks to the Goddesses later and broke the surface for air.

Disgusted enough to be pushed away from awe, I did realize Paddy was right on two accounts. The Squid really was a giant squid. This one however happened to stink to high heavens, and have a lantern attached to it head. In the lantern was my pearl. I couldn't help but gaze at it in slight despair, how was I supposed to convince it that I needed that pearl? Maybe Paddy would know, he's been right so far this little misadventure.

When a dull thunking and muffled yelps met my ears as the response, I remembered that Paddy was rarely right, and happened to be a big mouth boat. Swimming forward cautiously I was aware that the Squid followed my every movement.

"Lewl tme Urlyhe Gnik," The Squid's speech sounded deep and clear in the cavern, but still gibberish. I glared out in annoyance.

"Hello to you Jabun, good to see you made it out and all that!" Paddy Replied. Wait, he could speak this garbled nonsense?!

"Eht vneets hwhci ew eahv nlgo efaedr esem ot eahv eneb tse ni mionto." The Squid gave off an impression of frowning. I looked at him and then back at Paddy who had began to nod.

"Yes, Sirius, that hunk, has returned. There's no other explination, well, unless some other great and unknown evil is now upon us who's name may, or may not be Bellum." If he could have shrugged I bet he would've.

"Fi uoy eahv thogus emu to…ti usmt anem uoy eahv dunof het Eroh fon Imte." The Squid perked up a bit and started to look at me closer. Shifting nervously I suddenly wished it wouldn't.

Paddy gave a snort. "Yeah, that is definitely not this one. I don't really know what to think of him."

The Squid rolled back slightly as it continued to speak, "Egh enses eatrg curogae atth tihs eno ospsesess."

"Promise? Pffft, don't fool yourself. Wait, are you suggesting I leave the fate of you-know-what to mere chance!?" Paddy seemed genuinely pissed by The Squid's suggestion.

"Egh od. Ti si het olyn yaw." The Squid began to shake a little and I heard a tinkling sound from somewhere.

"I see, then it's up to the gods now." Paddy sighed in distrust.

"Egh iveg uoy het puigdoste ot het ogds." The Squid declared before starting a slow descent back below the waves.

Suddenly a very hard object slammed into the hand I'd been scratching my head with. With a yelp I cursed as the last pearl rolled around in the bottom of Paddy's hull. I sat down and grabbed it as Paddy made a sharp turn and began to leave.

"Gink, uoy uwlod ont eahv rboguht imh fi uoy dah onk iafth ni imh…" The Squid said, causing Paddy to stop in his tracks. "Hist ejwel ilwl piesll het urcse. Utb letl em Gink, eahv uoy uofnd het cendest fo Zelda?"

Paddy looked sheepishly over his shoulder. "I think I have, but she is a he." When The Squid said nothing he added quickly, "I don't think there were any girls born this time around that is."

"Atha si elwl. Uoy usmt roptcet imh ta lal tosc." And with those final words The Squid finally sank beneath the water completely.

Paddy seemed miffed by whatever he said and we drifted out completely. I let him have his moment of deep contemplation before asking him anything.

"So…what did he say back there?" I asked as Paddy scowled at me.

"He said you're an ugly git." With a sigh I turned us back towards the bulk of The Great Sea.

"What now Pad's?" He blinked as if surprised.

"We put these pearls where they belong, and your true journey will begin."

Damn. Wait did he say true journey?!


	16. Door to Door

Chapter 16: Door to Door

A/N *taps microphone* Hello? Is there anybody out there…? Erhm, well, as I said I'd finish this in my own dear, sweet, time, and I apparently meant it. Been almost 3 YEARS since I last touched this one, and I gotta say it was hard to re-read it. So I edited all the previous chapters to make them a little bit easier to read. I added a few lines here and there, nothing dramatic so do worry too much about it if you're still up to date with what has happened thus far. I have started playing my old WW game again and I got some fresh notes on it just this afternoon; enough for 2 new chapters, including this one. Luckily I had an open slot for the second play through and I can now read all of the ancient Hylian text again, so yay! If anyone is still out there, or cares, this is your next awaited chapter. Sorry guys about the wait! Enjoy the show!

Disclaimer: Honestly? After 5+ years of writing this story you still think I make money on it? I can't and I don't! I'm a poor college student and I can't afford to be sued and still eat for the next month!

"Wait, are you telling me everything I just did wasn't…" I wanted to scream and cry, but then I was seeing red.

"No, it wasn't, it was just the start to your real quest!" Paddy cruised around to the side of Outset, "Now listen, Sirius, who is just hot man cakes, is trying to stop us, the journey ahead will be even more dangerous and life threatening than anything you've faced so far. Just a heads up you know? Now let's get going before I rot in the water!"

Twitching slightly but unable to stop myself I quickly noticed where the three triangle islands were, having picked them up while goofing around. "Southern is closest." I declared while Paddy rolled his eyes. I quickly hoisted the sail and got us going in the right direction which caused him what looked almost like whip lash. "And how come you never told me you could understand that gibberish?! You could have been translating this whole freaking time!"

"Temper, temper, and well, you never asked." He gave a boat like shrug.

"Do you have any other helpful skills I could use?" I tried to not sound as angry as I felt.

"Helpful? Dunno, but I can whistle with a mouthful of crackers."

"How is that-" I was suddenly knocked out of the boat. Getting to the surface I felt myself pale at what looked like giant blue pea hats surrounding me. I began to swim to shore as quickly as possible leaving Paddy shouting behind me.

After pulling myself up onto the land I climbed up to the small, dumpy statue. It looked like an old woman made out of clay. Looking at the symbol on it's forehead I decided that it was the place for Nayru's Pearl. Pulling it out caused the statue's eyes to glow blue. "Wondering traveler who seeks the guidepost of the goddesses…place the pearl you hold here." As I gently placed it in the statue's hands it grew dark for a moment, then the pearl began to glow with the statue's eyes. "Two remain."

After deciding that I didn't like talking statues anymore than I did talking boats, I hopped back down to Paddy and sailed as quickly as I could away from the bloated, flying, fish things.

"Oy! What's with leaving me high and dry!?" Paddy demanded once we were away from the island.

"Funny I thought I'd left you with some cuddle friends, looked like they wanted to get to know you." I said while turning the ship towards what appeared to be a small ship with men on it.

"Har…har…har."

"Be quiet!" I hissed at him, "Hello, can you-"I paused as I got a good look at the four men onboard. They were dressed in nothing but boots, Speedos, and diving helmets. For a moment I glanced around to see if I was at Voldemort's island when the leader began shouting at me.

"YA! Mighty fine boat ya got there bub." The man screamed at me, causing Paddy to lift his head up a little higher. "Searching for treasure are ya? Har, har, harrrrr! You won't get none from us bub." I frowned at the delusional man; I hadn't asked him for anything. "So who wanders a fishless sea? Pirates, monsters, and treasure-hunters. Weak islanders don't like to wonder, is why I'm surprised to see a tiny guy like you." I bristled at him. Weak?! "I like your style! Take this if you'd like to haul up treasure. C'mon take it!" He waved a limp rolled up piece of paper in my face. "And I won't take "no" for an answer, or "nay," "nope," or even "nar." Just grab it!"

I leaned out and quickly yanked the map from him, opening it up I saw it was a treasure map. "Thanks, and I'm not weak."

They all gave a hearty laugh before the leader waved and said, "Good luck to all of us! Happy Hunting!" All the other men waved and shouted bye before they turned away from me and went back to pulling up treasure.

I blinked a few times at their back before hoisting the sail and turning back towards Northern Triangle Island. As we left their hearing range Paddy suddenly spoke up, "Mighty fine boat! That man has got an eye for the finer things in life I see, unlike you Sniv."

I decided not to justify his opinion by simply remaining silent.

After placing the Din's pearl in a nearly identical statue we sailed to the south east and the final triangle island. I yanked the rudder back and forth narrowly avoiding the mini-cyclones that swirled ominously around my final destination, and jumped down to the shore. Running up I placed Farore's Pearl into the statue's hands. After a moment it started to glow brighter and made a high pitched whining noise. I dove down and out of the way to avoid the blast when all of the noise stopped. Looking up curiously I climbed back up to the statue and looked at it a moment.

BOOM

"!!" I was sent flying into the air and managed to get a bird's eye view for the coming events. The statue had transformed into a beautiful young maiden made of glass and a bright beam shot out from her pearl. I watched half in fascination, half in fear for my life, as it connected to the other statues and formed a giant triangle. The triforce! Glancing down below me I finally noticed the other major event; a giant tower was rising in a large expanse of empty sea. As I got closer I could see it was made of white stones, columns stood in front of it in a semi circle, and there was a bell a the top. As I got even closer I noticed all the intricate blue carving on the stone.

Then I realized that getting this close wasn't a good thing at all.

WHAM

Before I could even yelp the stone structure slammed into my face and for a moment I could only see stars. I felt the night air rushing by me as I fell into the freezing water. After feeling a sense of déjà-vu I forced myself back up to the surface of the water and latched onto Paddy's side.

"DAMN IT! WARN ME NEXT TIME!" I howled at the black boat as he drifted closer to it.

"Oh quit sniveling! Now listen, this tower is where gods of the ancient would test the courage of idiots-I mean men. Only the one who can pass all the trials can be a true hero; and only once you've done that can you get the magical swor-I mean great power to destroy evil." Paddy began to drift into the entrance.

"I don't know if I care to do this anymore." I groaned at the prospect of all the work I'd have to do.

"Too bad Snapers, you need this so in we go." He sounded determined.

"We?" I sat up immediately and stared into the coming darkness.

"You'll need me to get around, you lucky git you!" Paddy smiled at me as we moved all the way in.

"Why doesn't anyone warn me of these things!?" My voice echoed back to me from the blackness.


	17. Tower of Frauds

Chapter 17: Tower of the Frauds

A/N So this is all I can write from the notes I have so far. (Oh noes!) But I will attempt to get another update up before the next three year mark, which shouldn't be too hard since I really want to finish the game again and I can't do that without taking notes for this! Also I changed the dungeon around a bit so I didn't have to write quite so much. But I digress, I won't delay you any longer; this is the very slowly continuing story of The Legend of Zelmus!

Disclaimer: *points at disclaimer sign* and still we must do this nonsense! I don't own the Zelda or Harry Potter franchise, no matter how much I want to.

As we finally left the darkened entryway I looked about me in annoyance. Brown stones, a waterfall, some golden doo-hickies, and what looked like a heavily cracked wall on the left side. As I began to turn Paddy to our right to open the nearest door, the water level dropped significantly. Grabbing onto the side of the boat I kept us on our slow course to the door. The water level rose back to its former level and I hopped onto the platform. Looking to my right I saw green tiles with a golden cross, and right were the middle was; an imprint for a statue. Looking back up I noticed a glowing circle of light on the ground. Grabbing a nearby statue, whose base was the wrong shape for the imprint, I placed it onto the circle of light and grinned as the bars over the door opened.

I paused as I realized that the statue I'd moved looked rather like Lucius did when primping in the morning. One hand on its head and the other on it's hip. Shaking my head to rid myself of the anger inducing image I went through the door.

Moving carefully I was surprised to not see any enemies snorting and screaming in the room. Looking to the far side I could see the statue with the right base shape to fit the imprint outside, unfortunately it was on the other side of a large pit. Toeing the pits edge I looked down and saw several boxes, a drain of some sort, and a circle of light. I wasn't sure what the switch was for, but they rarely failed me. Hopping down I grabbed a nearby box and put it on the switch. A humming noise filled the air and above me a transparent bridge appeared. I wouldn't have even seen it if it hadn't caused a rainbow effect. Too easy. As I moved to the ladder to climb out I suddenly heard a whooshing noise and the bridge disappeared.

What the hell? "Yiiiip!" I felt the cold water push me up to the lip of the pit and I quickly pulled myself out. At this rate, my clothes were never going to dry. "My bridge!"

"Mighty shame that…"Paddy's voice floated in with me. I don't know why I assumed he would leave me alone if he was let into the dungeon. "C'mon think, what did you notice about this place?"

"It looks like Cesar's Palace?" I grumbled as the water level in the pit dropped back down and the bridge reappeared. With a grin I ran across and snatched up the statue before the water could rise. Then I zipped back outside with a grin. No monsters. I like this place already! Jogging over to the cross I dropped the statue in and backed up.

After a moment a bright blue light shot out of it and straight up into the celing. Was that it? I covered my ears as a large gate suddenly lifted to my left, allowing me and paddy more than enough room to go down the new path. Wringing my hat out I stepped back into Paddy and steered us towards the hall.

"Anyone could have figured that out," He declared while looking bored.

"Stuff it, you're just impressed that I can handle without your," I paused to make air quotes, "help."

"Maybe you're just a moron, you ever thought of that?" He stopped suddenly and dumped me onto the platform. "Luck." And with that he drifted back towards the entrance.

"Sore loser much?" I shouted after him. Looking back at the water I realized I maybe shouldn't have chased off my ticket around this place. With a sigh I triggered the two light switches using the statue trick and went inside the golden door.

This room was another big pit, but this time it spanned most of the room. Looking across I didn't see any statues, but there was a rather nice looking chest. Remembering the strange treasure hunters however, made me hope that it wasn't money. Shuddering, I jumped into the pit and began to move the boxes into a straight line so I could just hop across to get the chest. Still no beasties, I had to smile at that. Waiting until the water went back up I climbed onto the boxes and hopped across to the other side. I grabbed the key and had leapt back onto the first box when I heard the sound of several things hitting the water.

Looking up I saw at least four golden chu-chus in front of me. I smiled, new color, same slow tricks! All of them suddenly crackled to life as lightning began running around their bodies. "Or not." Jumping back to solid ground I pulled out my sword then realized it was metal. That conducts electricity; I shoved it away and grabbed my leaf. That wasn't going to do anything to them. "Paddy, does boomer work on these things?" I hated asking, but I had no clue what to do and I was a few moments from baked and charred.

"Well, how nice of you to acknowledge my presence." He drawled.

"I know I'm a saint, now help me out here!" I managed to squeeze back into my corner a little further.

"It just stuns them, but it does stop the pain causing stuff." His voice drifted off.

"Thank you!" I was hoping he would feel flattered enough to be outside the door when I left. I did not want to swim all the way over to him. Pulling out my boomerang I targeted them and threw with all my might. It hit each one before hitting the wall, and then going back to me. I'll count that as it coming back. Yanking out my sword I quickly finished them off, and was disappointed to discover there was no yellow jelly for me to grab. After picking up the red and green globs I had another idea.

On Windfall I had noticed an abandoned shop with many potion making items in it. I'd dismissed it at the time, but I bet I could make some health or magic potions from these things. I decided I'd follow that up at some point, but first I washed my hands of the foul smelling goo and then left the room.

Floating out front was Paddy, who seemed very content to pretend that nothing had happened at all.

"Alright Sniv, off to the other side now." He practically chirped.

"Why? The whole thing is blocked off anyways." I began to guide us back to the entryway.

"Because while you were off all la-de-da, I managed to blow the wall to bits." He was ridiculously pleased with himself.

"That's nice of you." I said while rolling my eyes.

"It was wasn't it? You should thank me for it I suspect. I bet you would have given up right now if I hadn't." He gloated and pulled up to the wall.

"Well I won't, you didn't even get the whole wall, just the top." I motioned while glancing at the covered statue imprint on the other side. As I looked down I noticed another door below the raised level of water that was locked. "I'll have to swim."

"I was under the impression you liked that." Paddy smiled as he dumped me over the edge and into the water. "That never gets old, in case you were worried."

"Goodie," I growled as I swam over to the lower door and waited for the water level to drop. The second it did I ran in and opened it up.

This room had the statue I needed high above my head, the only way I could think of getting it was if the water level went up in here too. Why couldn't people just put ladders in? Taking a step into the room caused four more golden chu-chus to pop up. I ran in circles as I chucked my boomerang at them, jumped over to finish them, and then jogged to pick up the boomerang. It was as I took out the last one that a set of shimmering stairs appeared leading up to the statue. With a roll of my eyes I ran up and grabbed it before jogging back down and out.

I gave a yelp as a golden chu-chu that had been waiting outside popped up and shocked me, causing me to drop the statue on my head. Forget that strong head theory I'd had, I was going to also have a spine of steel at the end of all of this. Grabbing the statue I ran up the small flight of stairs as the water went up and put it in its holder. Glancing up I noticed the waterfall disappear from the front and start pouring out the sides of the column instead.

After catching my breath I swam over to Paddy and guided him over to the newly exposed door.

"Looks a bit like you Snapers," Paddy laughed while looking at the exposed artwork. Looking up at it I saw that it was a giant grimacing face.

"Well, if lightning hit you, you'd be firewood." I climbed through the door and staggered down the hall hoping that I'd regain feeling in my feet at some point. After opening the hidden door I was inside of a large circular room. In the middle was a raised dais, with two small golden platforms next to it. Out from both platforms were two doors, only the one of the right was opened however. Looking up I saw that there were several pillars with some of the ugliest statue heads I'd ever seen. Frowning at the entire set up I walked over to the open door and went inside. At least there still weren't any monsters, and Paddy hadn't spoken up, I had to count that as something to like about the room.

Inside the side room was a floating clear platform with stairs leading up to it, as I walked up I noticed that the floor zigzagged around. Jumping down I walked over to a sign and read it.

"Call me? What is this Alice in Wonderland?" My voice echoed around the room. Turning to look at the strange statue I felt embarrassed for Paddy to see this at all. "Well? … C'mon!" It was with immense relief that the statue began to glow and hopped over to me. Realizing that I couldn't carry it because of the floating platform I began to slowly walk under it. Looking behind me I could see the statue was following me. "Why is everything in here creepy and or ugly?"

"Just taking after you my little hero wanna-be."

"Why do you always have to have a response?" I demanded as I finally picked up the statue and opened the door to the main room.

"Maybe I wouldn't if you'd stop being a loony and talking to yourself."

I watched the statue hop into its proper place before saying, "I hate you more and more."

"Such rudeness, do you talk to your mother like that? Or right, you don't know her do you? Ah well, such is life." He faded out just as the statue began to talk.

"My kin wait beyond the doors. Control them and guide them to their places of truth to open the path to the gods…" As her voice drifted away a glowing light appeared on the dais, leaving behind what looked like a headstone.

Moving up the stairs I saw it was another melody for me to learn. Over the notes was carved, the command melody. Pulling out The Potion Maker I quickly memorized the simple pattern. Left, center, right, center, 4/4 time. "Simple," I said as the stone disappeared. Looking around I saw that the door on my left had opened. Glancing at the now still statue I'd "rescued" I smiled. "I'm getting the hang of this puzzle solving stuff."

"Whatever the voices tell you Sniv, don't listen to them!"

"Shove it!"

The other side had a large chasm with a barred door on the left and an open one in front of me. From the celing I saw a few bits of wood hanging down that I could swing from to reach the other side. Pulling out my grappling hook I swung it up, without getting my tunic which can't afford one more rip from this thing, and got over to the other side. Through this door was a similar set up; chasm and statue to control. I was beginning to get the feeling all these dungeon places just had recurring themes. Swinging over I saw a switch, which when I stood on it created another bridge. Pulling my Potion Maker out I took control of the statue.

It was a very odd sensation. I was the statue; I saw from its eyes and had to physically move it by hopping. Looking at my own body I saw it standing still, waving its arms about slowly. Man my nose is rather big compared to the rest of me…

After getting both myself and the statue across and out I switched roles and put the statue on the glowing switch to open the barred door. Swinging over there I casually strolled in wondering what could possibly be in here that would make this place worse.

As the door slammed behind me with an ominous, locked sounding click I wished I hadn't gone in at all. A large, heavily muscled Knight stood before me. For a moment it didn't move and then twisting its massive sword to see me it let out a loud roar. I was terrified until I noticed it was barely moving at all. I doubled over in laughter as its sword flew over my head and demolished the stone pillar I'd been standing next to.

With a squeak of terror I ran far away from it. "So advice, tactics? Anything useful I should know?"

"Well, you can't hurt it with all that armor on. Gotta get that all off of him before you'll even scratch him." Paddy said.

"Are you serious?!" I screamed at the celing.

"HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT??!!"

Flustered and confused I dodged to the side of the Knight turning in time to see that it's chest piece was only held together by one string. "Know what you idiotic, paranoid, drift wood?"

"That I'm…OH! Oooooohhhhh, ha ha, I see, you meant. Oh, man-whew! That was, eh-heh!" After clearing his throat Paddy spoke up again, "Yeah, yeah I really mean it. Just use a parry move."

"What?" I wasn't sure what that boat had hit his head on, but I was starting to get annoyed by him. Dashing behind the Knight I managed to cut his chest piece off.

"Wait until you see the A button get all wobbly and the controller shakes for a moment; then press A to do a parry move."

Pausing for a moment I dropped my shield wondering why everyone was so obsessed with these invisible buttons. "O…k, in English this ti-" I looked up just as the Knight took a downward swing at me. With a small yelp I jumped up, and somehow over his head. My tunic however managed to catch on the Knight's helmet and pull it off as I crashed to the ground behind the pissed dog like creature.

"See? Just like that Snape." Paddy's voice floated to me.

"Right, very helpful of you and all that." I realized a moment too late that the Knight was no longer bogged down by his heavy armor, and was quickly thrown to the other side of the room. Forcing myself up from the floor I charged him and slammed my shield into his face. As he staggered back with a yelp of pain I thrust my sword as deep as I could into his chest. With a puff of smoke, I was alone with a chest that had suddenly appeared.

Panting I walked over and opened it up finding that it held several bits of wood in it. Wait, this was a bow and a quiver filled with arrows! ...I had no idea how to use it. Equipping it anyways I walked back outside and noticed an eye blinking at me from across the chasm. It took a moment to figure out how to get the arrows resting before I pulled back the string and shot it. The arrow whizzed off before smacking into the far wall several yards away from my target.

"Right, you only get thirty arrows Sniv, so try to hit what you're aiming at."

Getting another arrow ready I adjusted my aim and was off by several feet in the other direction.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk!"

"This isn't as easy as it looks alright!" I shouted before pulling out another and trying to aim again. This one was a misfire and barely left the bow, unfortunately I was standing at the edge of the abyss and it fell off into nothingness.

(A full quiver later, and a few extras)

"HA!" I smiled smugly as I finally hit the eye and moving platform appeared.

"Yes you're very dashing, after I over look your inability to do anything well."

Ignoring him completely I jumped to the platforms and grabbed my glowing statue before riding over to the main room. Like the last one, this statue also hopped onto its own platform. This time when the glowing light appeared it didn't disappear leaving me anything.

"What the hell?" Going up the stairs I waited a few moments before asking, "Is this thing broken? Where's my chest, or entrance, or something at least!" When nothing new happened I growled and waved a hand through it, it suddenly felt like I was getting pulled hand first into a straight line. A moment of dizziness passed before I felt like I had been pushed out and stumbled to the left. Looking around I realized I was in another room completely. There were two laser guards, two Lucius statues and three switches near a laser door blocking a big key chest.

I moved the statues carefully past the laser guards and triggered the laser door, then rushed in to grab my key. After turning around I noticed that the two statues were now glowing a little and had suddenly become spiky. It was only when they started moving towards me that I dashed past them to the now barred door. Grand. Turning back around I grabbed my still equipped bow and shot at the closest one. The arrow missed its chest by a foot, but flew into where its face should be.

The statue stopped moving. With a small whoop I ran behind the other statue, which had been too close for me, and noticed they both had bright pink backsides. Drawing my sword I quickly cut at it until the frozen one began smoking and jumping. As it exploded one of its spikes flew off and hit the other one in the eye. Running behind it I repeated the process until it was also gone in acrid smoke. As the bars lifted I grinned and quickly exited.

I was outside again. Day had finally broken on the Great Sea and I found myself sitting down dumbly as the light blinded me. After squinting for a while I realized that I was facing a gauntlet of laser guards. Standing up I made a mad dash past them, listening as the buzzing noise got closer and closer to me. I took a diving leap past the last two and rolled up a small flight of stairs before stopping again. Noticing the large ornate, golden door I quickly broke the nearby pots for supplies, health, and magic potions. After making sure that I had everything I needed I unlocked the door, and with a deep breath I went inside.

The room was a circular platform surrounded by what looked like more electricity. I rubbed my stomach where the golden chu-chu had hit and winced. I never wanted to go near it again. Carved into the wall in front of me was a giant head and two hands. Gulping I walked to the center of the room and jumped when the head suddenly came to life.

"You did well to get here. Accept this challenge." Its voice echoed about the cavern before the head and hands suddenly pulled themselves out of the wall. The hands opened up to reveal eyes on them, the head the closed its own two eyes.

"I never said I'd accept your freaking challenge!" I shouted as one of the giant hands came crashing down towards me. Dodging out of its path I pulled out my bow and arrows. It had taken me a damned long time to learn this, but now I was going for blood!

…or whatever it was that stones did in place of bleeding. I quickly shot out one of the hands, barely managing to leap backwards as the other tried to sweep me off the platform. Taking careful aim I managed to hit it before it smashed me. Both hands hung limp in the air as the head opened its eyes.

With a groan I began taking aim at the much smaller targets. After two shots I got the right eye down when it closed its eyes suddenly. "What?" Its mouth dropped open allowing giant fire balls to fly at me. Running as fast as I could and diving behind it I managed to catch only the tip of my hat on fire. Yanking it off and stomping it out I aimed again at the left eye, hitting my mark. The head dropped down to the ground with its mouth open.

"Take that!" When I noticed the hands were starting to twitch again I heard Paddy's voice.

"Throw a bomb in its mouth before the freaking thing wakes up! You don't have the ammo to keep this up all day."

I quickly realized he was right, I had only three arrows left, that wasn't even enough for another round. Running forward I quickly shoved as many bombs as I could into the statues mouth and then ran backwards hoping to get some distance before the whole thing shattered.

With several loud explosions the surprisingly intact head suddenly lifted back into the air smoking slightly. Eyes open it spoke again, "The path is open, what comes now is your fate. Go with caution." Before going back into its insert it snorted out of its nose another full heart of stamina. It took a while for me to decide I needed it enough to grab the snot riddled item before I stepped into the shaft of light in the center of the room.

Ready for the sensation this time I didn't feel bad as I was transported to the top of the tower. Looking up I could see the bell, with a ringer shaped just perfectly for my grappling hook. Attaching it securely I ran and jumped causing the large bell to ring out across the Great Sea. After letting go and rubbing my ears trying to get any hearing back I'd lost I noticed a small wind swirl nearby.

Glancing around I could tell that the only way down besides the wind was to jump, I stepped into it. I was surprised to find myself put back on Paddy's deck outside the tower and in front of a golden ring of light.

"You aren't done yet, once we sink below the waves your true trial begins!" Paddy announced with an air of pompous authority.

"Wait, wasn't that exactly what you said before we started this whole tower thing?" I growled as he drifted into the light ring.

"Noooooo…" He refused to look at me.

Before I could demand an explanation I felt water touch my hand and realized what he had really meant. And that was that we were really going to sink below the sea floor. I wanted to scream, but was forced to take a deep breath as I got sucked down with the laughing boat.


	18. Dull Blade

Chapter 18: Dull Blades

A/N: So now that I've managed to write three chapters in two days, and have notes all set to go for the next one, I'm pretty sure the world must be coming to an end. Hope whoever is out there enjoys, and please feel free to leave me some reviews!

Disclaimer: What do I look like to you, an evil villain who wants to take over the world by making money on fanfiction? *lightning, thunder, cat* Ok, that was just really bad timing, I swear it! Onto the story!

Holding my breath I noticed a few things about being underwater: I apparently wasn't buoyant anymore, the water didn't sting my eyes, and I could see everything for miles. Peaking over the edge I finally saw something that momentarily shocked me.

Hyrule. Letting out a yelp of surprise I was forced to breathe in, only to discover that I can now apparently breathe water. Leaning out I realized something was wrong about this place. Everything was frozen in time, the castle, the endless fields, even the water falls in the pond seemed frozen. To top that off everything was in black and white. Everything felt wrong as I stood there staring at the ancient family's royal crest. And somehow, everything seemed right. Looking out at the frozen fields I realized I knew them from my dreams. After looking at Paddy, who seemed a bit too happy to see my surprise, I pulled myself together and jumped out of the boat.

"Now Snape, I can't tell you where we are bu-"

"Hyrule castle," I interrupted.

"…but I'll tell you later. Go get the item you nee-"

"Magical sword used by the ancient hero, better known as the Master Sword." I watched as he flip-flopped between shock and annoyance. "I spend most of my time reading large ancient books written mostly before this place was destroyed. You think they didn't mention all of that in it?"

"Maybe that's why you're so pale; all this sun has undoubtedly been good for you. Now just get inside and go to the basement already." Paddy grumbled as I went up the short flight of stairs and entered the castle.

The inside was much like the outside; black and white, and frozen. This time it was worse however, there were at least thirty of the biggest and meanest enemies I had ever fought. Moblins and Knights stood frozen in patrols all around the great hall. Moving forward I saw that the only other door was blocked by lasers, and there was no obvious switch. Looking down I noticed three large stone triangles. Nearby in the floor were several large triangle shaped indents. Giving myself a small pat on the back I walked down to them and tried to push one.

It swiveled around one point instead of going straight forward. With a groan I heard Paddy speak up. "Listen, you have to be somewhat intelligent to make it into the basement. Get this all solved and the door will open for you." Rolling my eyes I began the long and annoying process of trail and error.

After finally getting the freaking blocks pushed into their proper slots I realized I had a slight problem. I was trapped in the middle of them and they had locked into place. "Peachy." There was a slight rumbling before the stones suddenly lowered into the ground, which was now glowing yellow, allowing me to see that a door had appeared from underneath the large statue of the Hero of Time. The only similarity between us was our bad fashion sense. "Hey Paddy, what was his real name, the hero that is?"

"Gilderoy Lockhart, a great man. A fraud, but a great man." Paddy's voice sounded almost wistful to me.

"A fraud? How did he become the great hero of legend?" I looked up at his perfectly shaped and chiseled face.

"Well he took credit for doing stuff, so we made this of him." Paddy sighed.

"That doesn't ma-wait, we?" I began walking down the stairs to the basement, forgetting my annoyance that someone could take credit for doing all the junk I just did.

"Figure of speech Sniv, geez!"

I stood looking into the basement as the pirate charm stopped glowing. It was a large circular room with five knight's statues surrounding the master sword. Slowly walking over to the sword I noticed several stained glass windows depicting the six sages of old. Finally unable to resist I ran forward and yanked the sword from the stone, in a very I'm-not-going-to-be-king-of-Britton way. Once in my hands I felt the urge to swing it around several times, and after almost cutting my own hand off I stopped. Grinning madly I ran back up the stairs to discover that everything was now in color.

Moments later I was flying through the air after something had hit me in the back of the head. Getting to my feet I discovered all of the enemies had come to life. Gulping I turned tail and ran to the entrance, only to get blown backwards from the shock of electricity. Pulling out bombs I simply began tossing them everywhere I could. Smoke, explosions, screams, but most importantly green rubies dropped to the floor for me to collect as the moblins disappeared.

The Knights were the real problem. Taking a deep breath I quickly ran around each one and cut off their armor before zipping back to the front door. As they all got closer to me I dodged out of the way, allowing them to run head first into the zapper of death. The few that weren't instantly killed I took my time to go stab. "Easy as pie," I declared to the now empty hall. After the lasers stopped I went through and back out to Paddy. "Got the sword, let's go!"

"Well," he looked surprised, "well good job there. Didn't actually expect to see you back alive." Paddy began to drift us back towards the circle of light.

"Wait, you knew they were going to start moving again, didn't you?!" I hissed as he nodded.

"I had an inkling-OW! Hey, watch it tosser!" Paddy jerked as I slammed my shield into the back of his head.

"What did I tell you about warning me?" I demanded as we traveled back to the surface of the Great Sea.

"Well, fine, we're going to hit Cyclos on the way up to the Forsaken Fortress. Shoot him with your bow. Don't hit me! What if I had splintered? Or worse, been broken? Be careful or you'll have to swim your way around!" With a huff he set us sailing quickly enough to knock me onto my butt.

After several hours of sailing I discovered that something miraculous had happened. Paddy had done what'd I'd asked him to do, and had given me fair warning in advance of a dangerous situation. Too bad I hadn't believed him.

As Paddy's hull locked in place near the giant cyclone I heard a distinct froggy laugh. "Foolish creature who doesn't fear the gods! To the end of the sea with you! Let the winds of Cyclos's wrath blow you away!!!" I squinted with all my might into the swirling waters and could see him. A red frog sitting on a cloud, he looked rather pleased by the whole affair.

Pulling out my bow I looked at my three arrows and decided that it was a better chance than me surviving a trip in a cyclone. Taking careful aim I shot all three arrows at once and watched with disappointment as they missed the frog completely. "Oh brilliant work Sniv! I warned you, and now, we are going to die. Last time I ever warn you of anything, ever!" I decided to ignore the black boat's rambling and watched my arrows with detached interest. As shoddy semi-physics took over, the arrows turned back around in the extreme wind and struck the frog right in the back. "I had faith the whole time in your abilities."

"Oh shut up." I grumbled as the red frog suddenly flew right up into my face.

"That's a heck of an arm you got there!" He laughed.

"I wasn't throwing any-"

"And what an eye! No one's ever seen me in there before!" The frog continued.

"Well, it was rather skillful-" I tried to sound modest but he interrupted me again.

"You obvious have mastered the air; you must be the new wind waker!" He cackled.

"Er no, I accidentally, not on purpose or anything, kinda threw it deep into the ocean, in a not trying to ruin everything way…"

"…oh. Well, all the same. So my young…eh…"the frog looked distinctly uncomfortable.

"Potion Maker," I filled in.

"Right, well my young Potion Maker, you can use my adorable little cyclones to get around. They'll be so happy! Yesh dey will, who's so happy? Yesh you! Yesh you!" He cooed while looking and pointing at the cyclone. "Just play this little ditty." He suddenly zipped down, then right, then left, and then up. "And then you can get around like the wind!"

"Are you related to Hagrid?" I asked eyeing the cyclone suspiciously.

"No, why?" Cyclos looked confused.

"No reason. Thanks for the help I suppose." I waved and hoped he would simply disappear.

"!" He screamed while zipping off.

I hated those frogs, and if I never saw them again it would be too soon. Zephos had been too slow and Cyclos had reminded me of a kid with a sugar rush. Deciding that riding in a cyclone still sounded dangerous to me I turned to look at Paddy who was shocked into silence from the odd encounter.

"O…kay, off we go to the fortress." Paddy said and threw us back into the wind.

After making it all the way over to the stone structure, I realized that I had to still get in. After thinking a moment Paddy helpfully raised the cannon out and began making pew-pew noises. I rolled my eyes and tried to sound miffed by the prospect, "Well there goes our element of surprise! And for what?"

"A hot pocket?" Paddy supplemented as he drifted closer to the wooden doors.

"No, that would actually be much better than what I'll be getting." With the grin I'd fought so valiantly spread wide across my face, I grabbed a hold of the cannon.

After aiming I simply began lobbing everything we had left at the door, which was destroyed by the assault. With a grin I sailed us in and hopped out onto the stone ledge. It was time for some revenge!


End file.
